Thursday, August 26, 2010

I R Ninja.

I had to go to the courthouse today. I was witnessing for a friend going through a divorce.

"Empty your pockets please."

"Step through here please."



"Hold your arms out sir."

The elderly security guard waves the scanner up ones side and then jabs me in the ribs as he tries to go to the other side.

"Sorry about that."

I shrug.

I retrieve my keys and go in. I worked the evening before. 9pm to 7am. The hearing is at 9:30am. I have not slept.

Three hours later I go outside for some fresh air. My part is done, but I am waiting for my friend to finish up.

After a short wait I decide to go back in. I was nodding off in front of the magnolia tree and did not want to fall over.

There is a new guard. This one is female and more observant than the first.

"Empty your pockets please."

"Hold on."

"Excuse me?"

"Wait. You can't take that in with you."

"I can't take what in? My keys?"

She points. My keys have opened up and a military issue can opener was displayed for all to see. I added a picture of one below so you have an idea of the size.

I look at the security guard.


I'm tired.

There are at least ten Sheriffs within twenty paces of us. Every one of them has a baton and a pistol. None of them had a can or even resembles a can (the only thing it could possibly harm).

Could this thing really be that dangerous?

I know. She must think I'm a ninja, because I would have to be one to cause any serious damage with a can opener held with thumb and forefinger.

I roll my eyes, pick up my keys and return them to my pocket. "I'll just wait outside."

I exit stage right doing my best Chuck Norris walk (looking more like Chris Farley).

I am ninja.

Who knew?

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