For laughs

It’s been cold here for the last week or so. It even snowed over the weekend. Not enough to shut us down, but a nice covering of the grass and trees. The temperature has stayed below freezing.

Last Friday we were supposed to take our friend’s daughter to dance class. I yell upstairs to our son that we were leaving and would be back shortly. Deb yells up to him “He’s making me go with him!” I had no idea that I was doing anything of the sort. She volunteered to do it and I just assumed she was going to ride along.

“You don’t have to go. I can drive her all by myself.” I said this just outside the front door.

It’s cold.

“Ok.”

Bam! The door shut with her on the warm inside and me on the “not so warm” outside.

I guess I set myself up for that one.

A few days later we stopped for lunch at a pizza shop and we overheard a phone conversation. “Ma’am if you refuse to give us your address how do expect us to deliver the pizza?” We both busted up laughing.

Fond/Painful Memories

A few of us were sharing stories a while back and this one always makes me laugh. I'll admit that, at the time, there was nothing funny about it.


It was the summer of 1987. I was in Fort Sill Oklahoma doing my advanced training for field artillery. I was in the Army Reserves.


The Kevlar helmets were still very new and only active duty units had them. We wore the old World War II style helmets that consisted of a "steel pot" that sat over a helmet liner.

Being in the Army Reserves allowed me to split my training (at the time I was still in high school). During the summer of 1986 I did my basic training and went to drill with my unit until the following year. My unit consisted of a battery of four M110 eight inch self propelled howitzers.

That big spade, in the back, is actually dug in when they are set to fire. When it does fire the whole front end of the vehicle comes off of the ground. It launches a 200 pound projectile a very long ways.



During the advanced training the Army showed us the M110, but all of our hands on training was on the smaller M109 howitzer.

This one fires a much smaller projectile (about 90 pounds) and does not require the spade in the back. The barrel of the cannon can be lowered quite a bit closer to the ground as well.

When a cannon crew sets up to fire each member has an assigned task. My responsibility for this particular day was run the communication wire from the back left side of the vehicle to the front right. During my short trip I ran in front of the howitzer to secure the wire. At this same moment the gunner is preparing the gun for a fire mission. One of his first tasks is to lower the cannon to remove the dust cover. He will also open the breach to make sure nothing is in the barrel.

Speed is everything. You have to be able to set up and be ready for a mission in X amount of time. When the mission is over you need to be able to pick up and go even faster. This is what we were working on.

I had the comm wire secure in the back and I was beating feet to the front right. The wire comes on a handy-dandy spool and I was watching so I did not get too close to the track. I zipped around the front of the vehicle making excellent time. That is when the barrel of the howitzer came down on to the top of my head with crushing force.

My knees buckled as my chin slammed into my chest. My feet sank 2 inches into the mossy ground (that I had the good fortune to be standing in) and then fell to my knees. The spool of wire rolled under the vehicle forgotten. My calf was bruised as the business end of my M16 (slung upside down on my back) jabbed into it as I landed. My helmet was squashed, Beetle Bailey like, on top of my head. Minus the smile.

I flipped the steel pot off of the liner. I then took both hands and, with much effort, managed to pry the liner off of my head. It did not pop when it came off, but it sure felt like it did. I looked around to make sure no one had witnessed the accident. No one had. I collected everything and carried on like nothing happened. I only suffered a stiff neck and a bruised calf for my carelessness.

One year later I decided to go Active Duty Army, but the recruiter told me that I was not allowed to change career fields. I thanked him and walked across the hall to speak with the Air Force recruiter. I joined the United States Air Force became an aircraft mechanic for the next 8 years.

Nearly 20 years passed before I told that story to anyone. I guess it took me that long to see any humor in it.

It's snowing!

Not really. There are snow flakes, but it is not sticking. I'm ok with that. In fact, if I never have to shovel snow again it will be too soon.

My son would rather see a foot of snow. That means no school for at least two or three days. I would still have to go to work. My boss would not buy the "too much snow to drive to work" excuse. He grew up in the same general area of New York (state) that I did. Ten inches of snow over night did not even slow us down. What I need is a boss who grew up in Virginia. I could play on that person's idea of "lots of snow".

We get so little snow here that I do not even own a snow shovel. A broom works for any snow removal needs.

Life is good.

Happy Thanksgiving and stop walking on the pies

I made four pumpkin pies a few days ago. A few for the house and a few for Thanksgiving dinner at our friend’s home. They cooled and I set them on our freezer with towels over them. I had some leftover filling so I lined cupcake pans with pie dough and made about a dozen personal pumpkin pies. They were very popular with the boys. I have to remember to do that next year. This is the first time I didn’t have to cut into any of the regular pies before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately it didn’t save my pies in the end. I uncovered them, for a look, Thanksgiving morning and they had been walked on. It appeared that Joe jumped up onto the freezer and stepped on all of them. I’m pretty sure he sat on one. Thank God they were covered.

Thanksgiving was a blast. We had lunch around 2pm with friends we took some chocolate pumpkin cupcakes (with cream cheese frosting) and a chocolate mousse layer cake. At 6pm we went to another friend’s house and had dinner. We brought a few slightly walked on pies and a turkey. Everything was delicious, even the footprints.

GPS Fun

We are traveling through some of the seedier parts of town and Deb says, pointing at the GPS, "They need to make a new filter for these."

"What's that?"

"They need to add a filter to allow you to avoid the ghetto areas."

I say "Yeah, it really isn't a shortcut if you get killed on the way through."

I R Ninja.

I had to go to the courthouse today. I was witnessing for a friend going through a divorce.

"Empty your pockets please."

"Step through here please."

Beeeeeeeeep...

sigh

"Hold your arms out sir."

The elderly security guard waves the scanner up ones side and then jabs me in the ribs as he tries to go to the other side.

"Sorry about that."

I shrug.

I retrieve my keys and go in. I worked the evening before. 9pm to 7am. The hearing is at 9:30am. I have not slept.

Three hours later I go outside for some fresh air. My part is done, but I am waiting for my friend to finish up.

After a short wait I decide to go back in. I was nodding off in front of the magnolia tree and did not want to fall over.

There is a new guard. This one is female and more observant than the first.

"Empty your pockets please."

"Hold on."

"Excuse me?"

"Wait. You can't take that in with you."

"I can't take what in? My keys?"

She points. My keys have opened up and a military issue can opener was displayed for all to see. I added a picture of one below so you have an idea of the size.

I look at the security guard.

"Really?"

I'm tired.

There are at least ten Sheriffs within twenty paces of us. Every one of them has a baton and a pistol. None of them had a can or even resembles a can (the only thing it could possibly harm).

Could this thing really be that dangerous?

I know. She must think I'm a ninja, because I would have to be one to cause any serious damage with a can opener held with thumb and forefinger.

I roll my eyes, pick up my keys and return them to my pocket. "I'll just wait outside."

I exit stage right doing my best Chuck Norris walk (looking more like Chris Farley).

I am ninja.

Who knew?

Jamestown Settlement

My sister-in-law and niece visited for a long weekend and we went to the Jamestown Settlement. It was a beautiful day. The temperature was only in the mid 80s (around 29C) and low humidity.

There were a lot of actors wandering around in historical garb. They had a lot of interesting information about the settlement and the Powhatan Indians.

Here are some shots of the Powhatan village. You can see one of the actors above. She was making tools out of deer bone.

The inside of the huts were all furnished and had a lot of animal pelts. Mostly deer, but we also saw bear, wolf and skunk pelts. Outside of the huts were large mortar and pestles. They had corn in them and everyone had a go at pounding the corn.

Near the water there were replicas of the ships that the settlers used to cross the Atlantic. They were a tad small for my liking.

It was an exhausting day. My niece can sum it up with one picture.