Never Let Them Hear You Sweat

I hate it when I get myself

2012-02-01T23:24:00.002-05:00

A student calls for assistance with a password problem.

Me: "So where are you trying to log in from?"

We were having trouble with one of our websites and I needed to know which site the student was trying to log into.

Student: "The library."

Ok. I asked for that. The student was not being a smart ass. It was an honest answer.

Me: "I meant what address."

Yes. That is exactly how I worded it. Obviously I did not learn my lesson with the first answer I received. I was hoping to get the web site address.

Student: "I don't know. Let me check."

I hear the student set the phone down. A few minutes later he picks the phone up and gives me the physical address for the school.

(Face Palm)

I really deserved that.

Everyone I worked with got a good laugh at my expense. It would have been wrong to not share that call.

It's a New Year

2012-01-07T09:47:00.000-05:00

Things are finally settling down and I am getting used to my new job. The weather has been strange. Dearth and I played tennis on the 30th of December and again on New Years Day. It was warm enough for shorts and t-shirts (once you got warmed up).

Last week the temperature was actually cold. Tuesday and Wednesday dropped below freezing. Now we are back up to tennis weather.

Our New Years Eve was very exciting. Dearth was out with his girlfriend. Deb was not feeling well and went to bed around 9pm. I stayed up playing Skyrim (on the XBox) until Dearth got home (I'm a little silly that way). I did have a nice stiff drink (grapefruit juice on the rocks). What can I say? I'm a party animal.

Happy Christmas (a little late)

2011-12-27T16:18:00.000-05:00

We survived another Christmas.

Dearth was even more excited this year than most. He was in bed by 9pm on Christmas Eve. He was given instructions to not wake us until after 5:30am.

He woke us at 5:37am. We had a good time. The cats all chipped in where they could be the most disruptive.

The highlight of the morning was pulling a joke on Dearth. All the presents, under the tree, were opened. We told Dearth to go out to the car and get another one of his presents out of the trunk. He went outside to get a 36 pack of Brisk (iced tea) with a bow on it. While he was doing that I moved the electric guitar (this is the gift he was hoping to find) on to the chair he had been sitting on. The reaction was priceless. The best part was that I didn't have to carry that heavy 36 pack into the apartment.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas also.

Good thing I had a book

2011-12-21T15:35:00.000-05:00

I almost hate to post this after last year, but it is four days until Christmas. It is almost 70 degrees outside. Normally it is cooler.

So what does this mean? Last night I woke up a 2am sweating. Athena was sleeping near (almost on) my head. Jo was stretched out the length of my legs. I was on the very edge of the bed. Topaz was sleeping in the middle of the 3 or 4 feet of open space between Jo and Deb.

Fine.

I got out of bed and went into the living room. I was reading Changes (book 12 in Jim Butcher's Dresden Files) and decided to get a few pages in. I finished the book at 4am. Oops. Oh well. Sleep isn't as important as finding out what happens to Harry Dresden.

I get back to bed. No one has moved. I push Jo over and reclaim my comforter. I toss a bit getting comfortable under the blanket. Jo waits for me to settle and lays back down next to my legs. He makes a point of leaning against me and sliding down. This is to ensure he is as close as physically possible. I heat up fast and Jo's evil plan pays out. I kick most of the comforter off and he makes a nest of it. He puts a paw on my leg. I guess he just wanted to let me know that it was a good try.

I over sleep. I rush out of bed, get showered and dressed for work. I kiss Deb good bye. Athena was still on the pillow and Jo was still in the middle of my comforter. Sigh...

Sometimes Simple is Best

2011-12-20T14:13:00.002-05:00

There is a place down the road from my new workplace. It is Tony’s Hotdogs. It is a little dive that reminds me of every “greasy spoon” eatery I have ever been in. The difference is the menu. They serve hotdogs, coffee, and four or five different flavors of soda.

The hotdogs come with chili (no beans), mustard and onions. You have the option of holding the onions and/or the mustard. Cheese or sauerkraut may be added for a .15 fee (each). There are no sides. There are no desserts. If you want those you will need to go elsewhere.

It is simple and fast. The two men behind the counter were friendly and efficient. The customers were mostly men and a lot of them were regulars (reading papers and chatting on a first name basis with the guys serving the dogs).

The hotdogs were pretty good. They weren’t the best I’ve ever had, but I’ll go back. I don’t recommend asking for ketchup if you are over the age of 10 though.

Death Wishes

2011-12-14T14:21:00.002-05:00

The boy hasn’t been feeling well for the last few days. Today he went to school, but left early. Deb sent me a text.

Deb: Your son said I need to color my hair because he feels old seeing my white hair… the back and sides are getting bad. This as we are in the school parking lot.

Me: How long did it take him to walk home?

An Evening in Front of the Tube

2011-12-08T22:54:00.000-05:00

We were watching hockey on TV tonight. The Penguins were playing the Flyers. It is probably the only time we will all cheer for the Penguins. Deb is a Penguins fan, but Dearth and myself will cheer for them because they are playing the Flyers.

One funny moment during the game was when the announcer described a great play made by a Pittsburg defenseman. I should note that Dearth and I constantly rib Deb about the Penguins players diving or taking dives (to draw penalties). The announcer says "He makes a terrific diving poke check!". Deb's eyes get big and she gets a bit indignant. "What?" We had to explain that a poke check is when you knock the puck away from the opposing team using the stick. Of course I couldn't let it go. "Diving poke checks can only be made by Penguins."

I made sure she wasn't holding anything that could do me any harm. Dearth almost got kicked when he laughed though. It was a win win comment.

Jo was sacked out during the game. Looking very comfy on one of the living room chairs (made for a human enjoyed by the feline). He manages to twist himself up on his back with his legs all going different directions. Dearth can't help but rub his belly a few times when he walks by him. "He looks too comfy not to mess with." He told me this as Jo caught him. A few claw marks and a couple noms to the knuckles showed him who was boss. To add insult to injury, everytime Dearth played with Jo's tummy the silly cat would reposition himself in a way that looked more comfy than the first.

Hockey games are so much fun

2011-12-03T09:24:00.000-05:00

I am not a huge sports fan. I could not tell you the names of more than 10 or so professional players. It is not that I am not a loyal fan. I have just never seen the point. I do not receive a check from the team. In fact, they charge me to follow them. I have to pay for team logo items. I have to pay to watch them live. Nope, I like to watch, but I am by no means a rabid follower of any sport.

Yesterday we scored tickets to see an Admirals game. They are a local hockey team and are fun to watch. Of all of the sports I like to watch hockey and soccer are my favorites. Both are none stop action and, once you learn the rules, are very interesting to follow.

I left work and met the group at the game. We got the tickets through church and they all rode in the bus to the game.

I was a little closer and arrived early. The plan was to meet at the fountain in front of the Scope.

This picture gives you a little bit better idea of what it looks like up close.

There is a nice ledge to sit on and there were a lot of people moving around. There was also a trumpet player at the far corner of the fountain. He was a large black man. He dressed like a homeless person, but looked warm enough. The music was amazing. When I got closer he was playing with his eyes closed and looked like he was completely absorbed in his music. I put some money in his box and then moved away to watch the people.

Most walked right by the man. They avoided looking at him. A few, mostly the ones with kids in tow, would walk slowly by watching him. None of them put any money in. The ones that did put money in would smile and say something if he wasn't playing at the time.

The ones I enjoyed most were the college age students. They normally walked up, put money in the box, and then interact with him. The would speak with him normally touching the man's shoulder or back. Those scenes raised my spirits. The fact that the younger people would take the time to acknowledge the man, and speak to him, made my day. I think I enjoyed watching that more than the hockey game.

It sucks getting old...

2011-12-01T19:47:00.000-05:00

It doesn't happen often, but every now and then I feel quite old. Normally it is my son doing something like not knowing how to use a rotary phone, but today it is more of a physical thing.

My back hurts. I don't think my chair, at work, has enough support. It may be that I am not getting enough excercise. Hell I'm getting tired just watching a hockey game on the television.

My hands hurt. It has been getting cooler and the temperature change is making my arthritis act up. Sometimes it hurts to make a fist. I wince at a firm handshake.

My knees hurt. Arthritis again. I was pretty hard on them with all of the sports I was involved with when I was younger.

But, to tell you the truth. The thing that hurts me the most is my ego.

Screw you body. Tomorrow I'm going to the gym.

Last One!

2011-11-30T21:07:00.000-05:00

Wow. I made it.

I wasn't sure if I could keep to it or not, but I did. Now I just have to stick to my guns and keep posting.

I thought that I would have more trouble than I did, but finding something to post about each day was not as difficult as I thought it would be. I'll admit that not all of the posts were high quality, but that isn't the point now is it?

Posting everyday takes a slightly different mind set. I liked it. I think I will try it for a bit to see how it goes. See you next month!

Fun at the new job...

2011-11-29T19:23:00.000-05:00

My job has changed. Or rather, my customer base has changed. Instead of working with newspaper reporters and editors I am working with college students and instructors.

I'll admit. It is a bit refreshing.

Don't get me wrong. I loved most of the customers I dealt with at my last job, but they tended to be aggressive and difficult to deal with.

Today I had a good laugh. An instructor called. He needed assistance installing software for one of his students. The software allowed the student to zoom in on text to make it easier to read. The instructor explained that the student was almost blind and needed the software to help him read. His major was Criminal Justice.

Small Group

2011-11-28T22:11:00.000-05:00

One huge advantage of working day shift is having a social life. Last week I was able to start attending small group again. This group watches a movie one week and discusses it the week after. Tonight was movie night and we watched "Radio". It is an amazing movie.

This paticular small group is made up of people from our church. Normally there is a theme. For this group it is movies. This is a little outside of the box. A large number of small groups are more of a Bible study. During our discussions we talk about how the movie relates (or does not) to God and the Bible.

We share a meal first, tonight it was spaghetti, and everyone brings a dish to pass. Then we socialize and eventually move on to the movie or the discussion. It is a lot of fun.

Tonight, we were getting back into the car, when I thought. HOLY CRAP!!! I haven't had a chance to post yet.

I hope God forgives me for that little slip up. Good night everyone.

Hunting has Changed

2011-11-27T18:19:00.000-05:00

When I lived in Western New York I hunted quite a bit. I preferred small game hunting (especially rabbit and pheasant) over large game (deer).

I have always found small game hunting more exciting and lot less work. The targets were always small and fast moving. You had to be on your toes. If you did score a rabbit or a bird you would field dress them, wrap the meat in a bread bag, put the bag in your pocket and continue to hunt.

Large game (when I hunted) consisted more of sitting in a spot (well travelled by the deer) and shooting them if they happened by. I had a bad habit of falling asleep as I waited. I've seen many deer run off as I woke up with a start. If you do get a deer then you have to gut it and drag it back to your car or truck. Dragging an animal that weighs as much as you do is no fun. If you haven't had a stroke by the time you get back to your vehicle then you have to get it up on to the vehicle or into the trunk. If you are lucky you have come with a group of other hunters and they will usually help you (provided you don't rub in the fact that you got one and they did not). If you are unlucky... Well, that is what they make pain killers and muscle relaxers for.

Today they have cell phones and gps units. I hear stories of people talking about a deer (via text) before taking the shot. That makes hunting much safer, but takes a little of the excitement out of it as well. Now I feel like my father talking about walking up hill both ways in the snow when he had to go to school.

Tree Update

2011-11-26T19:51:00.001-05:00

The tree has been knocked over only once. Jo was trying to do his leopard imitation.

Mostly it looks like this:

Or this:

There have been 3 or 4 territorial disputes for the right to camp under the tree. At one point Athena and Joe were both there. It was very touch and go. Several boxing matches broke out.

I think we will wait to decorate the tree for just a little while. I'm getting tired of saying "No Jo".

Lazy Day

2011-11-25T15:17:00.000-05:00

It is nice today. The temperature is in the mid 60s and it is bright and sunny.

I'm still not going shopping. Those people are nuts.

We put the Christmas tree up this morning. All three cats helped in their own uniquely unhelpful ways.

After it was up Jo parked his large body under the tree (which is sitting on top of our coffee table). He has only been down to eat, drink and use the bathroom. He goes right back when he is finished.

We have only had to say "No Jo!" about 50 times thus far. Tomorrow we will trim the tree. That is when the real fun starts.

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T08:26:00.000-05:00

This is the first Thanksgiving, in a very long time, that I will not have to work (or even have to worry about being called into work). It is strange and very cool at the same time.

My pumpkin pies made it through the night without anyone walking or sitting on them. Last year Jo decided to do that. You can read that here if you missed it.

We are going to our friend's for lunch and then another family will be at our home for dinner. We are also having cake for Deb's birthday. This year her birthday actually lands on Thanksgiving.

That makes her 29 this year. Yep. Because I'll be 29 in a few months and she is older than me. So yeah. 29...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Have a wonderful day.

I Hate That Game

2011-11-23T20:18:00.000-05:00

This morning Topaz (the oldest cat) woke me up to play her favorite game. It is the "pounce the moving hand under the pile of blankets" game.

There are two comforters and a heavy blanket protecting the moving hand. She knows it is my hand and doesn't care. She will pounce, jump and dig a the blankets in order to catch me. She has no front claws and is very cute. I love watching the 14 year old cat play like a kitten.

Enter Jo. Yes, he is more or less a kitten still (mentally). He also loves this game. He is a good boy and waits until Topaz is done. Then he pounces the pile of blankets. He does this for a few minutes and then removes the top comforter with his (very much clawed) front paw. The second one follows. Now there is just the heavy blanket protecting my hand from Jo. It is enough protection (it is doubled up).

Deb says something to me at this point and I look up. Silly me. I feel 4 or 5 very sharp Jo claws go into the bottom of my hand. I yell in surprised pain. Bottom? I look and Jo's bottom is up in the air. One front leg is cocked under him. His head is tilted upside down and he has the other paw stretched out under the blanket to catch the offending hand.

Problem solving cat one. Inattentive human zero. I hate playing this game with him.

Facebook Laughes

2011-11-22T20:20:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook:

Another Monday morning following yet another Redskins loss. Cowgirls fans are as annoying as ever; someone jacked my morning newspaper; and there is no milk for my CAP'N CRUNCH ... thank GOD I have a sense of humor. (LOL)

I couldn't help myself. I had to reply to that.

I can live with the Redskins losing. The Giants lost so I can simpathize. I can even put up with the missing newspaper, but dude! Someone is getting whooped for milkless captain crunch!

Sometimes conversations like this help you stay close to the folks you don't see often. I have had a ton of laughes with this man and it was fun to share in a little humor.

New Job Same People

2011-11-21T21:55:00.000-05:00

I've been part of the work force for over 20 years (we'll just leave it at that). Most of my experience has been military, food service and information technology.

Food service is probably the most diverse group. Young people, old people, middle aged people, dark skin, light skin and somewhere in between skin. The attitudes are mostly the same. Bad. This is not always true, but food service is not usually the target job for most people. So, most do not or will not give their all when working food service.

The military is also very diverse. Every person is an individual and makes it a point to be that way, but, people in the military tend to be of similar mind sets. Very few accept criticism well. They will (usually) do what they are told when they are told to do it. They will bitch the entire time they are doing it. It is a job they love to hate.

IT, although diverse as far as age and skin color go, are the same from job to job. I walked into my new job this morning and after 10 minutes I knew them. I had worked with everyone of these people over the last 10 years. Their faces were different, their names were different, but it was the same networking guy who knows everything. He knows everything because he just "gets it". There is the the guy/lady who runs around asking everyone else questions. There are the two guys in the corner that answer all of the questions. There are about 10 other stereotypes I could throw in, but you get it by now.

It is a new job located in a different office. All of the people are the same. IT people are funny that way. I guess that is why I love IT.

They will drive me to an early grave

2011-11-20T08:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning I was in the kitchen for a couple of hours. Making biscuits, eggs and bean soup for later in the day. In the end I had one little burn on my finger from soup splashing on it.

Dearth was helping with dishes for a grand total of about 10 minutes in the kitchen. During that time he managed to break a small bowl and get several cuts on the inside of his middle finger. Nothing serious, but it did require a band aid.

Not to be outdone. Deb is making milk shakes and using a cheap ceramic handled ice cream scoop for a total of about 5 minutes. The handle breaks and she gashes her thumb. It is a good one and probably could have used a few stitches, but she settled for wrapping it well and putting a splint on it (to keep it from reopening).

I ended up finishing the dishes, making the milkshakes and administering first aid. If I didn't know any better I would think they did these things to stay out of the kitchen.

The morning after...

2011-11-19T10:13:00.000-05:00

So my friend sent me a text this morning. He left his bag at the gym and wanted me to sit with his two girls while he went over to get it (they were still sleeping).

I get dressed and walk out to get my shoes and jackets. The living room (the location of shoes, jackets and the front door) is covered with sleeping bodies. So I carefully step over the lot of them, get dressed and sit with the girls until my friend gets back.

When I return they are still in the same spots. I normally make breakfast for everyone and today was no different. We had pancakes the night before (we thought it would be fun) so I made biscuits. Then I used to the metal ring, from the biscuit cutter, as a mold for the eggs.

Fresh cheese, egg and biscuit sandwiches. I was a popular guy this morning.

Not sure what happened

2011-11-18T18:27:00.000-05:00

A friend of a friend was desperate. She has a new baby and a new puppy. She was going back to PA for a visit and her mother did not want the puppy up there. So the friend asked us to watch the poor puppy.

I'm thinking that Topaz would hunt the thing all weekend (she has done this with other small dogs). Athena would probably pounce the puppy over and over (just to make sure everyone knew who was boss). I expected Joe to be civil, unless the puppy decided to play with him. Then it was up in the air. Jo is as likely to play as he is to nom the puppy's head if that happened.

Then the lady calls. She is stuck in traffic and called her Mom back. She was all stressed out and had a very long drive. Her mom caved in and is letting her bring the pup.

So we went from that to having four boys spending the night.

And I thought the puppy was going to be chaotic.

I don't feel so bad now

2011-11-17T16:28:00.000-05:00

I was actually a little cold today. It was rainy and in the lower 40s. It is supposed to be near freezing tonight.

This was getting me down a little bit. I was really enjoying the sunny weather. Then I went to facebook and someone posted this picture from earlier today.

It is amazing how fast someone else's misery can cheer me up. I'm sorry if you are getting this weather up north, but better you than me.

Score One for Home Tech Support

2011-11-16T14:52:00.001-05:00

Deb has been without her Kindle (e-reader) for 4 days now. It would not charge and then the screen froze up on her. In her defense, she has tried multiple chargers and even followed the instructions for a hard reboot of the device.

Today she wanted me to talk to tech support for her.

"Fine. Get the number for me."

She had been attempting to do this without success.

"Go to google.com and search Kindle tech support."

She found the number almost instantly. She said something unflattering and then used an option to have them call us. The call came in just as she was handing the phone to me.

I spoke to a pleasant fellow named Dennis. He asked me what the display was. I told him that it was on the screen saying that it needed to be charged. I also explained that we had tried several chargers without success. I plugged it in as I was explaining this. The charge light came on.

I'm a hero. I fixed the Kindle. I thanked Dennis and he promised to call back tomorrow to make sure everything was ok.

Deb has a look of shock and disbelief on her face. She straddles me (I'm sitting on the bed with my back to the wall) "I can't believe you just did that!"

I give her one of my most innocent looks "What?"

"I can't believe that stupid thing started charging as soon as you plugged it in!"

"You know Deb? You are being pretty ungrateful. I did just fix your Kindle." I hold up the device. "You see? It is charging and it is no longer frozen."

She smacks my shoulder. "That's not fair. It was not working!"

"I know. I'm awesome."

The Last Overnight Shift

2011-11-15T20:06:00.000-05:00

Tonight is the last overnight shift I have to work (for a long time). I am moving to a new company. My job there will be similar to what I do now. The biggest difference is the opportunity to advance above and beyond the help desk.

Another benefit is that they are not a 24/7 help desk. This means I get my weekends and holidays off and will never have to work later than 10pm or earlier than 7am.

All I have to do now is ride out the rest of this week. This is going to be the longest week ever.

Secret Santa Fun

2011-11-14T21:56:00.000-05:00

Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa? Basically, a group of people buy gifts. We generally set a minimum price and if someone wants to spend more than that it is up to them.

All of the gifts are wrapped and placed on a table. Numbers are chosen randomly and then the number holders (in numerical order) choose a gift from the pile. It is considered poor form to choose the gift you purchased.

One of the places I worked at used to do this. The funniest gift I ever saw was a pair of old men's underwear. That's right. Underwear. Old, whitey tighty men's underwear. So old that there were wear holes and the fabric was slightly grey.

The person receiving the gift was perfect. If I had to choose one person in the whole room to get that gift it would have been him. He is very likable, but very spastic as well. That means he is a lot of fun to get wound up.

When he opened the gift it was priceless. His jaw dropped slightly. His eyes got real big. You could see anger, disbelief, shock and just a little bit of amusement flash across his face.

"Drawers?"

"Somebody gave me an old pair of drawers?"

There had to be at least 30 people at that party. All of us were laughing. Tears were streaming down my face. He ranted for a good 5 minutes.

The gift giver happened to be a real good friend of his. So, he did not go up to him until the party was almost over. The gift giver's plan was to take the recipient out to eat (and he did eventually), but when his friend got the old underwear he dragged it out for as long as he could.

To this day I have never had so much fun during a Secret Santa.

Nothing to do with Want

2011-11-13T15:51:00.000-05:00

Friends and family are an important part of our life. Being a friend and/or part of a family comes with responsibilities. To us those responsibilities usually involve helping out when needed.

The help could mean babysitting or giving them a ride. It could mean helping them move their entire house. It might be acting as a sounding board for grievances. We chip in when needed or asked (if it is possible).

It should also be noted that we do not do this because we want to. We don't bust our asses for three days straight because we want you to like us more. Listening to five screaming children on a Friday night is not what we consider a good time. We do these things because you asked for or needed assistance.

Want has nothing to do with it. If you are a friend then you are part of the family. If family needs help then we help.

Messing up the Routine

2011-11-12T10:44:00.000-05:00

I worked the overnight shift last night. I have to cover two more and then I am finished.

The cats waited for me, by the door, all night. They are used to me coming home around 10:30pm, getting some attention and then going to bed with me and Deb. I received three disapproving looks when I walked through the door at 7:30am.

All were given attention and all slept in the bed with me during the morning. I must remember to ask permission when I change my schedule next time.

I can't handle the baleful glares. They were most displeased.

Remembering

2011-11-11T18:59:00.002-05:00

I remember getting deployed for Somalia. I got a tetanus shot in one arm and a yellow fever booster shot in the other. I filled out a last will and testament and signed a letter of attorney for my wife. There was a curtain at the end of the line. It was about chest high and medics were back there.

"Drop your pants. Left or right?"

"Excuse me?"

"You are on your way to Africa and you need the gamma globulin vaccine. Left or right."

This particular vaccine is kept on ice and goes in like a gel.

"Doesn't matter. Be gentle. It's my first time."

He laughs. It hurts. I don't think he was very gentle.

We left on a plane and we fly for over 10 hours. More than half of us only sat on one cheek.

I remember working 30 straight days before getting a day off. I was in Cairo Egypt. This was the staging area for C-141s going to Somalia. One of the locals exchanged pens with me for Christmas. He got a much better pen. It was probably his plan. He was Muslim.

I remember starting at one end of the line, guiding planes into parking spots. Once the line was full we would start refueling them. The crews would board after we refueled and wait until the last one was finished. Then we would launch all of them. If there was time we would catch some sleep and then repeat the whole thing over again. Three or four of us would handle about 7 planes at a time.

I remember the Major walking into our tent. He looked around and pointed to our LT.

"Lieutenant! Get some more cots in here. There aren't enough for everyone to get a nap during down time."

"Yes sir!"

LT was cool.

I remember getting two Army Privates to help, me and another crew chief, charge up the hydraulic pumps. This is a two man job that requires pumping a handle around 400 strokes. The handle gets progressively harder to pump as it charges so we paired up and took turns. After this was done I started the auxiliary power unit (a small jet engine located in the left wheel well) so the two soldiers would have heat and light while on guard duty. I worked the overnight shift and it would drop down to near freezing.

I remember having to unclog a stopped toilet on one of the planes. No plunger. Only a rubber glove that reached to the shoulder. I pulled a roll of toilet paper out.

I remember exchanging MRE recipes with a group of Marines. They had more to offer than I did. They ate a lot more of them than I did.

I remember chocking a C-141 and climbing up to take care of the paper work.

"Hey chief! Come give us a hand."

I look to the back and see a military casket covered with an American flag. I assist another crew chief, two load masters and two cargo handlers. We transfer the soldier to a waiting vehicle.

I do not remember the faces or names of any of the others. I only remember the dead soldier. I do not even remember his name.

I remember two crew chiefs and two load masters saluting the cargo vehicle as it left. We were standing side by side on the ramp of the C-141.

I remember the vehicle disappearing into the fog as tears rolled down my face.

Waiting for the Light to Return

2011-11-10T18:23:00.000-05:00

I'm still not used to it being dark by 5:30pm. There are a lot of windows in my office and I think it is later than it is.

I asked a co-worker what he was doing here so late and he replied that it was only 5:45. Damnit! I thought it was like 7.

I start my shift at 2pm so the darkness makes the work day seem much longer.

I have worked a lot of overnight shifts, but I am still not a troll (or a vampire if you prefer). I like the daylight and I can not wait until it returns.

Strange Call

2011-11-09T16:15:00.000-05:00

Today I received one of those phone calls that come so infrequently that you never forget them. I went through my opening script and the first thing out of this ladies mouth was "Do you speak German?"

OK folks. Fasten your seat belts. This is going to be fun.

I work for a large newspaper company and we only support employees of the company. She was not an employee and must have called a lot of general company numbers before someone gave up and passed her to us.

Once I confirmed that we had no one on the desk that spoke German she said she would do her best with her poor English. She struggled, but did pretty well.

Evidently she has been following this Michael Jackson trial, from Munich Germany, and is very upset with the outcome. Michael was a big boy and made his own choices. Why should the doctor be punished for this? It took her about 10 minutes to say all of this. I listened very closely and added appropriate guttural noises when necessary (hmmm, mmmhmmm, oooo, etc...). After she finished she repeated everything in rapid fire German. Then we talked about the time and weather in our respective cities and we parted ways. I guess the only thing she wanted to do was vent her opinion, on this issue, to a citizen of the United States. I never did tell her that I had no opinion on the topic and didn't care in the slightest.

Now I have an amusing story to share with others. That call was priceless.

email fun

2011-11-08T05:59:00.000-05:00

A user was having password problems with one of the "off the wall" applications some of them use. I sent it to the local techs and they sent it back telling me that they have no idea who takes care of this application.

I called the customer back and she tells me that it was ok. She just used the "forgot my password" tool and everything was good to go now.

I emailed the onsite tech:

It's ok. She hit the "forgot my password" and everything is good now. I feel like a Catholic Priest trying to weasel a confession out of these people.

Have a nice night!

His reply was classic.

Part of the job my son...

Now gimme 3 Hail Mary's

Our job requires a sense of humor.

Hair Cuts

2011-11-07T16:12:00.000-05:00

Dearth and I went to get haircuts. I was getting a little shaggy and Dearth needed a trim badly.

"But, Daaad I don't want to get it cut." I replied "You don't have to get it all chopped off, but I am getting tired of you looking like one of the Lorax's trees."

"So have them trim it or I swear I'll spray paint it pink and make you wear a fake moustache."

Mom would have liked it shorter, but it did look more like hair when the stylist was finished. His only comment was "I liked her. She didn't talk much."

Quick Laughs

2011-11-06T17:18:00.000-05:00

I was adjusting Deb's back. To do this she sits on the floor and crosses her arms in front of her chest. I put one arm on her back, lean her back to the floor and press down on her arms with my upper body. Her head tilts back when we do this. So I lean her back and Jo was sitting there. Just as I go to press down Jo leans in and licks her on the mouth. The adjustment didn't happen. We were laughing too hard.

We are at our friend's house playing cards. Both of the women are eating suckers. At one point it gets a tad loud (there was no background noise). The husband looks at them both and says "Man I wish I were a sucker right now." The sound changes to loud crunching sounds.

What would bloggers do without pets, family and friends?

Life with Cats

2011-11-05T08:03:00.000-04:00

There are certain things you must get used to when living with cats. Some are annoying others amusing and almost all of them are amusing to others.

There is no such thing as privacy. They can and will open doors, crawl under covers and put there face in almost anything you have going on.
They will sit on anything you are reading and have a knack for finding the one article you are looking at on a huge newspaper. Kindles are not an exception to this rule.
If you fall asleep you will normally wake up with one or more cats on top of you.
The warmer it is the more cats you will find on top of you.
Pet a cat and it will walk away. If you are putting your socks or shoes on they will want a ton of attention.
Can openers are also dinner bells.
Nothing in the entire world can get as comfortable as a cat.

Conversation with Dad

2011-11-04T14:49:00.000-04:00

Several years ago my father passed away. The number of years really doesn’t matter. He is still very much alive in my memories.

I wish I could say this was an idea I came up with, but it wasn’t. I was first introduced to this concept when I read Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughter House Five.

When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in bad condition in that particular moment, but that the same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead people, which is 'So it goes.' (2.7.3)

I had such a difficult time coming to terms with my father’s death that I adopted this mind set. I don’t take it to the extremes that the main character (Billy) does, but I like the idea of having our loved ones with us all of the time.

This particular conversation took place while I was helping Dad rebuild a lawnmower engine. By help I mean he told me what to do and I did it. The subject was a reoccurring theme. He was telling me how stupid he was because he only had a 9th grade education.

After saying this he took the wrench from my hand “No you have to do it like this. See?” I had been fighting with that task for 3 minutes. He finished the task (and made it look easy) in about 10 seconds.

Dad then began telling me how much smarter I was than him. I had a high school diploma and a college degree. I worked on computers (in his mind this made me a lot smarter than him).

Me: “Oh, Jesus Christ Dad. If you are dumb, then you are the smartest dumb person I’ve ever met!”

Dad: “What?”

Me: “Look. I fix computers. You fix small engines (as a hobby). I’m just a different kind of mechanic. Do you want to know what the biggest difference between us is?”

Dad: “No. What?”

Me: “When you fix an engine it usually works better when you are done. When I fix a computer there is a 50/50 chance that I’ll have to scrap the whole damn thing.”

At the time this was the truth. Dad got a good laugh out of that. Since then my fix/trash ratio has improved. He was also pretty good about not calling himself dumb after that.

Spicy Puffed Rice

2011-11-03T16:40:00.000-04:00

An Indian friend of ours gave me a sandwich bag full of spicy puffed rice today. It is very addictive.

Crunchy

Salty

Spicy

All of the things I love in a snack food.

I looked up the recipe online and there were thousands of them. Most agree upon the puffed rice, chili powder, salt, turmeric and curry leaves. All of these were in our friend's version.

After a few small handfuls my mouth goes a bit numb from the chilies. I love that. The only time it is an issue is after the third or fourth handfuls. It starts to get a little hot after that.

If you decide to try one of the recipes make small batches. It is addictive and you will eat it all.

Sometimes a little white lie is ok

2011-11-02T07:58:00.001-04:00

Yesterday my son asked if he could go with his girlfriend to help her study. Deb asked him what subject.

"Anatomy."

Evil look.

Slightly panicked "No really. We really are studying Anatomy."

This is one of the few times I would encourage a little white lie; Science, English, Geography, The History of Peanut Growing in Georgia. Any one of these would be a much better answer than Anatomy.

Just saying.

It is finally cooling off in Virginia

2011-11-01T13:44:00.000-04:00

I woke up around 4am this morning. I needed to use the bathroom. I also noticed that I was cold. It has cooled off quite a bit and the blankets are actually needed. We still have not turned the heater on. It isn’t that cold yet.

When I returned from the bathroom I discovered why I was cold. Jo was wrapped up in my blanket and left only enough to cover my shoulders. His back was to me, so I put my very cold feet under the blanket and on his back. It was nice and warm. He got up moved to another spot after about 10 seconds. Score one for me.

Two hours later I was on my way to work. Jo was wrapped back up in my blanket. Life isn't fair sometimes.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T14:53:00.000-04:00

I'll be at work, but you all have fun!

Next month is National Blog Posting Month. I think that I will go for it and see if I can post every day during November. So watch for the posts.

I'll probably go insane trying this.

Peanut Butter sandwich with fried Marshmallows

2011-09-26T18:46:00.001-04:00

Have you ever had a sandwich for dessert? Try this.

Spread your favorite kind of peanut butter on two slices of bread. The thicker you spread the peanut butter the messier the sandwich will be. I put it on fairly thin.

Heat up a skillet and melt enough butter to coat the bottom.

Take four large marshmallows and place them in the pan (flat side down). These will mushroom out and get slightly brown. When this happens you can flip them over to the other flat side. This is the last time you will be able to touch them with your fingers. Once this side mushrooms out knock them to their sides. I like to use two forks for this. Try to brown the marshmallows all the way around. It goes pretty quick once you knock them over.

Once the marshmallows are browned use the two forks to place all four of them on one of the slices of bread. Squish them all together with the other slice and enjoy.

It should be noted that the hot marshmallows have properties similar to napalm and Greek fire. If you touch one it will stick to you. It will burn and it is there to stay. Licking hot marshmallow off of the above mentioned forks or a finger will burn your tongue. There is my “I told you so” message for the day.

Hot marshmallows cool pretty fast once they are smashed in the sandwich. They are only dangerous in and immediately out of the pan.

You may be wondering. How did you come up with this?

I had a craving for a marshmallow fluff and peanut butter sandwich. I don’t know why. We never keep fluff in the house. We just don’t eat it that often. We did have marshmallows though. I got it on the first try. I used too much peanut butter the first time and it dripped all over the plate and made a mess. It is outrageously good though.

If you try this please respond to the post. Tell me what you think.

All out of "give a shit"

2011-09-24T07:57:00.000-04:00

A customer calls me this morning around 7am. He is livid because his computer is running slow and no one will fix it. This has been an on going issue. He has rebooted several times (this only slows things down for the first 20 to 30 minutes) and nothing will run. He shouldn't have to come in to work and wait that long for his computer to function properly. He ranted on for about 5 minutes. There is nothing I can do to help him directly. I open a ticket for the local technicians. I also note that there is an open ticket for this issue, but I open another one anyways. This sends an email notification to the customer and usually makes them feel like something has been accomplished.

He called me back about 3 minutes later and demanded that I send someone to fix his computer immediately. " Call somebody at home if you have to!" He was really busting my balls. I calm him down the best I could and attempt to contact someone at his location (knowing full well that no one will be there until at least 9am).

As a help desk technician am not supposed to take things personally. This is much more difficult that most people realize. When someone questions your integrity and starts demanding things you can not do it is almost impossible. We are human to.

Now I am fired up so I check the ticket history. It turns out that the local techs did try to help him, but he wouldn’t let any of them troubleshoot the issue. He kept telling them to fix it after business hours. Most of them work the same hours as him. Those that work later have other things that are a priority and do not have time to help him.

I’m sorry sir. I’m all out of “give a shit" now. Have a nice day.

Read a Book or Re-Read a Good Book

2011-09-08T20:35:00.002-04:00

When I served in the Air Force a good friend of mine owned a lot of books. Some of these he would read over and over. It took me a long time to understand why. I even questioned him about it on occasion. Well Nick, I understand and I do it myself now.

I read books like some people watch movies. If I like them I will read them again. I like to revisit the stories and the characters. After a while they become old friends. The Hobbit is one of these books. I read it at least once a year. Ender’s Game is another, but this book has a tendency to grow legs and disappear from my collection . I purchase a new copy every other year or so and I am happy to do so. I would rather see a child curled up on the couch reading than playing video games (and I like video games as much as the next child).

Now that I think about it there are a lot of books I like to re-read. I think it is almost to the point where I find it more difficult to read something new (unless it is written by an author I like).

I was reading one of my favorite sci-fi action adventure novels a few days ago. Deb walks in and looks at the book “How many times are you going to read that book?” I shrug “until I get tired of it.” She rolls her eyes and walks away. She knows I won’t get tired of it.

This book is not particularly well written, but the story is about a battle of epic proportions. The characters are larger than life. The villains are larger than life. The book is a complete escape from reality. This is why I read it. It is also why I will read it again.

I read to “escape from it all”. If I want reality I will turn on the news or read a paper.

I re-read books. Some perverse part of my brain is hoping that this character won’t step on the landmine this time or maybe that character will not get eaten by the dragon when he goes into that cave again. That very same part of my brain is eagerly waiting for that same character to dance on the landmine or hand the dragon some ketchup first.

If you have never read a book twice then do yourself a favor. Go find a book you really enjoyed. Read it again. You may find that you have forgotten a lot of things that made the story fun when you read it the first time. I bet you like it just as much the second time as you did the first.

Goodbye Irene

2011-08-29T17:21:00.002-04:00

Irene has come and gone. The only thing my son is certain of is that the Amish life style sucks.

We lost power just as the outer edge of Irene hit us. Thirty hours later power returned. Just in time to save our frozen food.

We opened the living room shades, turned our chairs around to face the windows and listened to the radio. The bedroom windows had to be checked on occasion. There was a slight problem with poor installation. It was nothing an old curtain could not soak up.

Books were read and games were played. Three cats and three humans watched Irene blow away. I cooked by flash light and we ate with the light from outside. We went to sleep with the howling wind as a lullaby. When we woke Irene was gone.

Our apartment complex is surrounded by huge pine trees. All of them survived. The area was covered with pine cones, branches and the long slender needles that these trees have. We opened all of the windows and the smell of pine filled the apartment.

Branches were moved and the sidewalk was swept clear. The vehicles were checked. We even went to the smoothie shop where Deb works and helped them prepare for customers. They did not lose power so no inventory was lost. They got busy fast when people realized they were open. The owner fed us and we enjoyed the air conditioned dining room when we were finished.

It could have been much worse. As it was several people lost their lives during the storm. It may be selfish, but I am glad it was nobody I knew.

She is on her way...

2011-08-26T11:43:00.003-04:00

It is Friday morning and I have been called in early. A few of my coworkers are on vacation and others have been evacuated. I am here to help cover the missing people.

Downtown Norfolk is empty. There are cars on the road. There are people on the streets and in the buildings. However, there are even more cars that are not on the road and many people who are not on the street or in the buildings.

I was able to park on the 5th floor in the parking garage. That is unheard of at 11am on a Friday morning. Normally I would be on the roof (the 7th floor) hoping to find an open spot.

The sky is overcast. It is hot and humid. There is next to no wind. She will be here tomorrow.

Irene is coming.

Kill Them All! With kindness. :)

2011-08-22T19:26:00.000-04:00

Sometimes our customers are a tad irrational.

Me: Thank you for calling Computer Support. May I have your last name please?

Caller: I need you to reset my password. (She sounded very angry)

Me. Ok. Which password would you like me to reset?

Caller: My password to sign on to the computer. (A little exasperated)

Me: I would be happy to do that. What is your last name?

Caller: (Very angry now) WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING FOR MY NAME!? Why can’t you people just reset the stupid password? You don’t need to make a damn ticket for every call. (Actually, we do)

Me: Ma’am. We have over 10,000 employees. I suppose I could, randomly, start resetting passwords. It would make a lot of people angry. I may even get lucky and reset yours. That could take me a long time though. It would be much faster if I actually knew the name of the person I had to reset the password for.

At this point she gave me her information. She was never polite.

Some people wake up in the morning and are pissed off because they are still sucking in air. I am extra polite to them. It makes them even angrier.

I need a vacation from my vacation

2011-08-19T15:22:00.000-04:00

All last week we visited our (mine and Deb's) home town. It is a little town located in New York state. Ripley, NY boarders Pennsylvania and sits on the shore of Lake Erie. It is a beautiful place to visit.

We had a great time. Debra's parents were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The next day we went to a Pittsburg Pirates game. The third day we took a break. The rest of the week we spent time with my family (they live in the same town) and hers. The week was topped off with a reunion and we left directly for Virginia after that. Returning to work was almost more relaxing than my vacation.

Instant messaging fun with my son

2011-08-02T23:56:00.000-04:00

I started this instant messaging conversation with my son on a Saturday afternoon. He had spent the night at a friend's house and was still there.

Me: You are going to church with us tomorrow.

Dearth: Didn't really plan on it

Me: It was a statement not a question. If you look closely you will find a period after the word "tomorrow".

Dearth: Oh yeah I just read the first word wrong lol

Me: Yes, the "you" comes before the "are" in my statement. ;p

Dearth: Damn :p

He went to church the next day.

Wow. That month went by in a blur.

2011-07-11T22:42:00.002-04:00

We moved a couple of weeks ago. Not far. Two blocks, but we are saving a few hundred dollars a month with the slight down-size.

This apartment is downstairs (bonus), but is missing two half baths. We can deal with that.

The cats did not like the move, but they have more window space to look out now. So, they are over it.

After almost a month without internet we finally have that again. It may not be vital, but you can sure miss it.

This apartment complex also has a pool. It is just a short walk from our front door and is very nice on the warm days. Ha! I made it sound like there were cool days during the Virginia summer. What I meant to say is it is nice on days it does not rain.

Last weekend we helped a couple of good friends paint the inside of the home they are trying to sell. Another person helping them was Terry. He’s been a professional painter for 30 years. I learned more about painting in two days than I have in all of the odd painting jobs I’ve done over the years. He only took the paint roller away a few times. Terry had a habit of making you feel slow though. Watching that man “cut” (do the edging) with a 4 inch brush was amazing. Not only was he faster than the rest of us he was also less messy (and we were using smaller brushes).

To top everything off tomorrow is our 20th wedding anniversary. I’ve been married to my lovely wife Debra for 20 years. I still remember saying “I do”. I’ll admit that the memory is a bit fuzzy.

That reminds me. I still owe her a proposal. I never really asked her to marry me. I gave her the ring and we just sort of agreed upon it. Fortunately my romance skills have improved over the past 20 years.

Happy anniversary Debra. I love you very much.

Never Dare God

2011-05-24T23:52:00.000-04:00

We've been getting a rash of storms over the last few days. It will be bright and sunny one moment and five minutes later the sky darkens and rain falls in sheets.

Deb and I were leaving a store and it was already raining. I asked her if she wanted me to get the car and meet her at the door. I'm a good husband and I do things like that.

"No. I won't melt".

We took about ten steps and God tried. The rain fell in buckets and we were both soaked by the time we got into the car.

"You just had to say it didn't you?"

"Shut up."

A Conclusion

2011-05-02T23:34:00.002-04:00

I have decided that I am not the best choice for visits to the doctor’s office. Not when surgical procedures are going to be done.

I took Dearth to the foot specialist today. He had to have an ingrown toenail removed. This is not the first time, so the doctor cut it out and then burn it with acid (so it would not grow back). Dearth didn’t want to go alone (I don’t blame him) so I went back with him.

We both made it through the needles, but when he started cutting poor Dearth went pale. He told the doctor that he was not feeling well and the doctor leaned him back. I was trying not to look, but I did when he said that. There he was, missing a third of his toe nail and a stick jammed into the open area. I assume this was so the acid could be place more carefully. I broke out into a cold sweat and prayed to God that I wouldn’t pass out. Both of us made it without passing out, but it was close.

The doctor was really good about the whole thing. He told us to take our time and brought us water. He handed the water to me even though nothing had been said about me almost passing out. I drank some. It helped.

Deb is going to have to handle those types of appointments from now on. I can only pass out so many times in a decade. It is a personal rule. It is also my story and I’m sticking to it.

Papa Joe

2011-04-05T20:09:00.002-04:00

Deb’s grandfather passed away. We spent a few days in West Virginia for the funeral. He was a pretty amazing man.

Farming was his life and that is what most people remember him for, but he also spent two years in the Army. He served under General Patton (I even heard him refer to the General as “Old Blood and Guts”).

Papa Joe earned the Bronze Star and had a short list of very impressive campaign medals for his service. Of the twenty years I knew him I can only remember him talking about his service once.

His life was centered around family and God. Don’t mess with his family and don’t argue to him about God. The first will go poorly for you and the later will be a waste of your time (you just won’t win).

I had the honor to be one of the pallbearers and we laid him to rest in a beautiful cemetery in the hills of West Virginia. It is where he grew up and it is a fitting resting place for him. We will miss him. Rest in peace Papa Joe.

Damn it…

2011-03-10T20:50:00.001-05:00

We need to cover an overnight shift for a Friday night. This means the person covering is working until 7am Saturday morning.

My boss emails me wanting me to work 6pm to 5am (my normal shift is 6pm to 2am). He was thinking that the normal 5am person would be in. I reminded him that it was a Saturday and no one would be in until 7am. Here is his reply:

What I will do is let you off early next Thursday probably around 10 or 11pm and you can come in at 8pm for the Friday shift and work until 7am person arrives.

I know it will be a long shift and I appreciate that fact that you can handle it for me.

Let’s talk about this when I get in tonight

Wow.

Really?

Can I work that please?

Here is my reply to that:

Oh that was well written.

What can I say? He’s a good boss. I’ll be working that Friday.

Snuggle Fest

2011-02-23T19:04:00.000-05:00

We finally replaced our old bed for a new king sized one. It is refreshing to not get elbowed in the head or ribs when one of us moves.

The morning after the second night (of having the new bed) I wake up feeling a little claustrophobic. Athena is snuggled up to my neck. Joe is across my thighs and Topaz is sleeping on my feet. I reach out and I do not feel Deb. I look and she is there, but out of reach. There is room for another body between us. Where do the cats sleep? On me. What the Hell? I’m not even the one who gets cold.

That which has been heard cannot be unheard

2011-02-16T21:32:00.002-05:00

I was walking past the rest rooms at our local Walmart. A cute girl in her early twenties comes bouncing out and sits on her boyfriend’s lap. She looked very please with herself.

She giggles and leans over close to her boyfriend’s ear. “I just dropped a deuce in the Walmart restroom.” She laughs out loud.

She could have at least made an attempt to keep her voice down. Maybe even whisper.

I understand that this is a bodily function all humans do. I also understand that women/girls talk to their friends like this (privately). I would even expect to overhear something like this in a dorm. Not in public though.

I didn’t want to know that. I could have gone the rest of my life without hearing it. That would have made me happy.

Men like to think of women as sugar and spice. We like to spoil them and treat them as something special. We know you can talk like a sailor, but normally we do not want to hear it. Please don’t shatter our illusions of you. Thank you on behalf of most men.

Messages on Valentine’s Day

2011-02-15T18:08:00.000-05:00

Son: Are we doing anything today? (He is messaging me from school)

Me: I am taking Mom out. We have chicken nuggets in the fridge for you.

Me: We have reservations for 5:30.

Son: Lol sweet chicken nuggets

The sad thing is he meant it. He would have hated the restaurant we went to and chicken nuggets are a treat not a staple in the house.

I hope everyone had a nice Valentine’s Day.

Ungratefulness, they have it.

2011-02-03T19:17:00.002-05:00

I finally got off of the overnight shift. Instead of working 9pm to 7am I now work 6pm to 2am. It is almost a normal shift.

When I worked the overnight shift I would walk through the door around 7:30am. All of the four legged members of the family would meet me at the door. All of them would be looking for attention.

Now I get home about 2:30am. When I come through the door there is no one. Not a sound. I go upstairs and one cat is sleeping on or near Deb’s feet (sometimes he is in the small of her back). One cat (Athena) is sleeping on my pillow and Topaz is crashed in the middle of my spot on the bed (if she isn’t lying in the entrance to the bedroom). All of them will give up some of their space to make room for me, but it is grudging. All of them give me the “why are you interrupting our sleep” look.

They are a group of ungrateful monsters.

Statue of Superman

2011-01-27T18:10:00.000-05:00

This is a fond memory of mine and a favorite story to tell.

We, Debra, Dearth and myself, were driving by a very large cemetery. Dearth was 3 or 4 at the time and was sitting in his car seat in the back.

“Daddy! Daddy! Look! Look! Is that a statue of Superman?”

Debbie and I both look. There, standing with arms raised above his head, was a large statue of Jesus.

Deb looked at me and I didn’t even hesitate.

“Yes son. Yes it is.”

Life, as we know it, stops when the email servers go down

2011-01-25T19:19:00.001-05:00

All Hell breaks loose when the email servers go down. It is like Armageddon. People stop thinking and just call the help desk.

Typically this is how it goes.

First call:

Me: “Thank you for calling computer support how may I help you.”

Customer: “My email isn’t working.”

We go through various troubleshooting steps and during this time I hear similar calls being received by co-workers. Now we know there is a company-wide problem and we contact the email team. This information is relayed to the customer.

Customer: “Is there an estimated time of completion for this?”

Me: “They just found out about it and probably do not know what the problem is yet.”

Customer: “So no?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Will you send me an email when this is fixed?”

Me: “I would be happy to.”

The customer hangs up before realizing that he just asked me to contact him via the same system that is broken. They make me laugh. I have the phone number and will call him back when it is fixed.

The next 5 to 10 customers goes something like this.

Me: “Thank you for calling computer support how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to log into my email and it is not letting me.”

Me: “Yeah we are having a problem with the system right now and the email team is working on the problem.”

Usually the will say ok and hang up or ask if there is an estimated time of completion. My sense of humor starts to kick in after the 10th caller or so.

Me: “Thank you for calling computer support how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to log into email.”

Me: “Yeah. That probably isn’t working for you.” or “How’s that going for you?”

I normally use this as a way of lightening an ugly situation. People are never happy when email goes down.

Customer: “How am I supposed to contact my publisher if email is down?”

Me: “Does your publisher have a phone number?”

Saying things like that will often get you accused of being a smart ass. You must be very careful to keep the tone of your voice neutral. It is also important to keep a hand close to your headset microphone. Laughing co-workers are a dead give-away.

Understand that we, as a help desk, are not unsympathetic to the customers. We honestly want to help them fix their problems. Our reasons range from honestly wanting to help the person to helping them so I do not have to talk to that stupid asshole anymore. It is in our best interest to resolve problems quickly.

That being said, I like it when people do not call me. It means everything is working or our phone system has broken and we haven’t noticed yet. Either way I get paid the same amount of money.

Oh, and by the way, we do not change your passwords just so you have to call us for help. I get paid whether I speak to you or not. My goal is to never talk to you and I sure as hell would not do something, on purpose, to make you call me.

Fun with Joe

2011-01-17T18:44:00.001-05:00

I was sitting on the couch trying to wake up after getting out of bed and coming downstairs. I had a nice cup of coffee and the world was just coming into focus.

Joe decided to hop up beside me and play his very favorite game. I don’t indulge him too often because his favorite game usually ends with me bleeding in many places. He loves to be roughed up.

The game starts with him lying on his back beside me, stretching a paw out and extending his claws to touch my body. The claw does no real damage and is simply a challenge. It is an invitation to touch his stomach. If you dare the game is on. I will put my hand on his tummy and pull it away fast. When he guards his stomach too closely I grab his face and spin him around. Eventually I am not quick enough and he wraps my hand and arm up with all five pointy ends latched on. The next five minutes are spent trying to minimize the damage he is about to inflict. It is a lot like trying to pull burdocks off of a cotton gloves without removing the gloves from your hands. He doesn’t bite hard enough to break skin and the claws only grab hold (they do pierce though). As long as you don’t jerk back you will not get any serious injuries. With me he is a little rougher than anyone else and the game is pretty spirited. It ends when I am forced to grab his back legs and lift him until he lets go with the other claws and his teeth. I sounds much worse than it is. I was definitely the loser. Both hands and forearms have multiple new scratches and marks from his teeth.

I finish my coffee and go upstairs to take a shower. I had to go to work.

I step into the nice hot water hoping that it will finish waking me up. I’m still a little out of it. I grab my son’s shower gel, (one of the Axe variants) lather up and my arms start burn. I look down and my arms are covered in the red shower gel. It has the same color as blood and (under the shower) about the same look. Holy crap! Joe hit an artery. This all goes through my mind in a flash. The adrenaline jump starts me into full consciousness and I have a good laugh.

I really have got to stop letting Joe sucker me into that game when I’m still waking up. It is not good for my heart.

Don't do it!

2011-01-08T03:32:00.000-05:00

Deb and I were selling smoothies, for a fund raiser, at one of the local middle schools. The kids buy the smoothies with their lunches. We show up with around 300 premade smoothies and then we make another 100 to 200 to keep up with demand.

We are there for the entire lunch period which comes in about 6 waves. There is a short rest period in between each wave of children. It is a hard 3 to 4 hours.

During one of these breaks I’m standing beside Deb and I put my arm around her. I behave myself and my hand rests lightly on her hip. She looks at me “You can’t do that. That is sexual harassment.” I wave my left hand at her “I have my get out of sexual harassment ring on.” I resist the urge to grab her bottom. Regardless, I get smacked upside the head for it.

We’ve been married for 20 years this coming anniversary. We anticipate each other’s reactions and have a pretty good idea what the response to any given question/action will be. I should have grabbed her bottom.

One of Those Days

2011-01-06T03:36:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days?

I brushed my teeth without incident, but when I was shaving I nicked myself. This was not discovered until I took a shower and applied soap to the injured area.

The shower is finished and I open the shower curtain to find out that I left my towel hanging on the door. I have to step out of the shower onto the bare floor to get it. I’m OCD about some things and this is one of them. I hate stepping out of a shower wet. It really bothers me. I like to dry off before stepping out.

Having gotten past the OCD crisis I put on my deodorant. I raise my left arm and apply the deodorant with my right hand. The top of the deodorant pops off and plops into the toilet. I reach down and flush the toilet. I am not sticking my hand in there.

I open the bathroom door and step out onto Topaz’s tail. The yowl of pain start just before my foot landed on her tail. I jerked my foot back, lost my balance and went shoulder first into the wall. Topaz darted off without being touched. Heart pounding, shoulder throbbing I reach my room.

I yank a shirt off of a hanger. The plastic hanger retaliates by snapping off of the metal bar and hitting me in the forehead. I take my time and get dressed without hurting myself or breaking anything.

I would like to say that my bit of bad luck ended there, but it didn’t. I made myself a cup of coffee and managed to scald my hand when I picked the cup up quickly. The hot liquid sloshed over the top and onto my hand. Then I took a big sip of the same cup of coffee that just scalded my hand. Yep, I scalded my tongue and mouth also.

Life is just hundreds of little things stacked on top of one another. Every now and then the stack teeters and falls. Don’t forget to duck when that happens.

Stupid Global Warming

2011-01-02T02:07:00.003-05:00

The last week has been interesting. It began to snow on the 26th and did not stop until the 27th. When it was done we were covered in about a foot of the nasty cold stuff. Not only did we get buried, but now I had to eat a great big piece of karma pie. My Mother and Sister cheerfully served that up to me as they pointed out that we have had more snow in Virginia then they have in New York this year.

Dearth spent the night at our friend’s house so I took the pickup truck to go get him. The snow was still coming down pretty hard when I arrived and I pulled into the drive way without thinking. There is a large dip in the front of their driveway. The pickup is rear wheel drive. When the front of the truck went into the dip the back tires could not get enough traction to move it out. I had my friend jump in the driver’s seat and Dearth and I try to push it out. Just as we were about to start my boss calls my cell. He needs me to cover for the other over night guy. He is snowed in and cannot make it in. My boss is from the same general location of NY that I am. He also knows that I am not afraid to drive in the snow. I tell him that I will go in after I get the truck unstuck and get a short nap (it was supposed to be my day off). Two of my friend’s neighbors lend us their backs and we get the truck unstuck. I didn’t get the nap.

I make it to work and find that one of the city plows had done the same thing that I did with the pickup. To add to his pain three more plows were there to help. That entertained me for a few hours as I watched them try to get the big truck unstuck. I didn’t even know the city had that many plows. Of course they do not know how to plow. Single tracks down the middle of three lane roads, unplowed exit ramps and long lines of snow piles in the road are just a few of the things you can look forward to when they plow. When I tried to leave the next morning three lines of snow about a foot and a half high were in front of the parking garage exit. I did my best Dukes of Hazard impression coming out of the garage. I got a little bit of air, plowed through the snow and fish tailed as I made my escape. I only regret not having a horn that played Dixie.

You may remember that I said that I didn’t even own a snow shovel? Well I don’t. So I had to use the small flat shovel in my shed. I used it to shovel off our front sidewalk and three of my neighbor’s. The shovel is about half the length of a typical snow shovel. This means that I was bent over for the entire time. On top of that it is made of metal. It is excellent for breaking up the ice, but snow sticks to it. To keep the snow from sticking I had to give the shovel a pretty hard snap to shake the snow off of each scoop. The next day was painful. I could hardly stand up straight. I’m sure there were some muscles that weren’t tender, but I couldn’t find them. After the sun dried up the little bit I missed, maintenance came by and salted the nice dry sidewalk (morons).

It has warmed up again. I only needed a sweat shirt to go outside today and most of the snow is melted away. Hopefully that will be the last of it for some years. Happy New Year everyone!

I love this time of year

2010-12-23T01:21:00.000-05:00

This is the best time of year to work customer service. People are nice to you more often than not. I even receive the occasional "Merry Christmas". This is frowned upon. Because freedom of religion only applies to non-Christians. At least that is what it seems like.

I know that the good will and pleasantries will go out the window on January 3rd. Most everyone will be back to their rude and terrible selves. So, Merry Christmas and if you aren't Christian and/or that offends you, don't read it.

Surprise

2010-12-21T00:41:00.000-05:00

I work the overnight shift. That means I work alone from 9pm to 7am. Our area requires a badge to get into and the only other person I’m likely to see is the security guard. He will walk by once or twice in an evening and we rarely speak.

I had just finished using the bathroom. They are located near the elevators and outside of the secure area. I was just about to use my badge to get back into the office when the door opened up. There was the security guard. The surprise was total. I was only slightly startled, but he was doing his best heart attack routine (true Sanford and Son style). I kept him from falling down, but the laughter made it difficult.

It has been a little over a week since the incident. We still can’t look at each other without laughing. Nightshift changes your sense of humor.

For laughs

2010-12-15T05:54:00.002-05:00

It’s been cold here for the last week or so. It even snowed over the weekend. Not enough to shut us down, but a nice covering of the grass and trees. The temperature has stayed below freezing.

Last Friday we were supposed to take our friend’s daughter to dance class. I yell upstairs to our son that we were leaving and would be back shortly. Deb yells up to him “He’s making me go with him!” I had no idea that I was doing anything of the sort. She volunteered to do it and I just assumed she was going to ride along.

“You don’t have to go. I can drive her all by myself.” I said this just outside the front door.

It’s cold.

“Ok.”

Bam! The door shut with her on the warm inside and me on the “not so warm” outside.

I guess I set myself up for that one.

A few days later we stopped for lunch at a pizza shop and we overheard a phone conversation. “Ma’am if you refuse to give us your address how do expect us to deliver the pizza?” We both busted up laughing.

Fond/Painful Memories

2010-12-09T01:10:00.010-05:00

A few of us were sharing stories a while back and this one always makes me laugh. I'll admit that, at the time, there was nothing funny about it.

It was the summer of 1987. I was in Fort Sill Oklahoma doing my advanced training for field artillery. I was in the Army Reserves.

The Kevlar helmets were still very new and only active duty units had them. We wore the old World War II style helmets that consisted of a "steel pot" that sat over a helmet liner.

Being in the Army Reserves allowed me to split my training (at the time I was still in high school). During the summer of 1986 I did my basic training and went to drill with my unit until the following year. My unit consisted of a battery of four M110 eight inch self propelled howitzers.

That big spade, in the back, is actually dug in when they are set to fire. When it does fire the whole front end of the vehicle comes off of the ground. It launches a 200 pound projectile a very long ways.

During the advanced training the Army showed us the M110, but all of our hands on training was on the smaller M109 howitzer.

This one fires a much smaller projectile (about 90 pounds) and does not require the spade in the back. The barrel of the cannon can be lowered quite a bit closer to the ground as well.

When a cannon crew sets up to fire each member has an assigned task. My responsibility for this particular day was run the communication wire from the back left side of the vehicle to the front right. During my short trip I ran in front of the howitzer to secure the wire. At this same moment the gunner is preparing the gun for a fire mission. One of his first tasks is to lower the cannon to remove the dust cover. He will also open the breach to make sure nothing is in the barrel.

Speed is everything. You have to be able to set up and be ready for a mission in X amount of time. When the mission is over you need to be able to pick up and go even faster. This is what we were working on.

I had the comm wire secure in the back and I was beating feet to the front right. The wire comes on a handy-dandy spool and I was watching so I did not get too close to the track. I zipped around the front of the vehicle making excellent time. That is when the barrel of the howitzer came down on to the top of my head with crushing force.

My knees buckled as my chin slammed into my chest. My feet sank 2 inches into the mossy ground (that I had the good fortune to be standing in) and then fell to my knees. The spool of wire rolled under the vehicle forgotten. My calf was bruised as the business end of my M16 (slung upside down on my back) jabbed into it as I landed. My helmet was squashed, Beetle Bailey like, on top of my head. Minus the smile.

I flipped the steel pot off of the liner. I then took both hands and, with much effort, managed to pry the liner off of my head. It did not pop when it came off, but it sure felt like it did. I looked around to make sure no one had witnessed the accident. No one had. I collected everything and carried on like nothing happened. I only suffered a stiff neck and a bruised calf for my carelessness.

One year later I decided to go Active Duty Army, but the recruiter told me that I was not allowed to change career fields. I thanked him and walked across the hall to speak with the Air Force recruiter. I joined the United States Air Force became an aircraft mechanic for the next 8 years.

Nearly 20 years passed before I told that story to anyone. I guess it took me that long to see any humor in it.

It's snowing!

2010-12-04T21:47:00.003-05:00

Not really. There are snow flakes, but it is not sticking. I'm ok with that. In fact, if I never have to shovel snow again it will be too soon.

My son would rather see a foot of snow. That means no school for at least two or three days. I would still have to go to work. My boss would not buy the "too much snow to drive to work" excuse. He grew up in the same general area of New York (state) that I did. Ten inches of snow over night did not even slow us down. What I need is a boss who grew up in Virginia. I could play on that person's idea of "lots of snow".

We get so little snow here that I do not even own a snow shovel. A broom works for any snow removal needs.

Life is good.

Happy Thanksgiving and stop walking on the pies

2010-11-27T03:13:00.000-05:00

I made four pumpkin pies a few days ago. A few for the house and a few for Thanksgiving dinner at our friend’s home. They cooled and I set them on our freezer with towels over them. I had some leftover filling so I lined cupcake pans with pie dough and made about a dozen personal pumpkin pies. They were very popular with the boys. I have to remember to do that next year. This is the first time I didn’t have to cut into any of the regular pies before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately it didn’t save my pies in the end. I uncovered them, for a look, Thanksgiving morning and they had been walked on. It appeared that Joe jumped up onto the freezer and stepped on all of them. I’m pretty sure he sat on one. Thank God they were covered.

Thanksgiving was a blast. We had lunch around 2pm with friends we took some chocolate pumpkin cupcakes (with cream cheese frosting) and a chocolate mousse layer cake. At 6pm we went to another friend’s house and had dinner. We brought a few slightly walked on pies and a turkey. Everything was delicious, even the footprints.

GPS Fun

2010-09-28T03:18:00.002-04:00

We are traveling through some of the seedier parts of town and Deb says, pointing at the GPS, "They need to make a new filter for these."

"What's that?"

"They need to add a filter to allow you to avoid the ghetto areas."

I say "Yeah, it really isn't a shortcut if you get killed on the way through."

I R Ninja.

2010-08-26T03:34:00.008-04:00

I had to go to the courthouse today. I was witnessing for a friend going through a divorce.

"Empty your pockets please."

"Step through here please."

Beeeeeeeeep...

sigh

"Hold your arms out sir."

The elderly security guard waves the scanner up ones side and then jabs me in the ribs as he tries to go to the other side.

"Sorry about that."

I shrug.

I retrieve my keys and go in. I worked the evening before. 9pm to 7am. The hearing is at 9:30am. I have not slept.

Three hours later I go outside for some fresh air. My part is done, but I am waiting for my friend to finish up.

After a short wait I decide to go back in. I was nodding off in front of the magnolia tree and did not want to fall over.

There is a new guard. This one is female and more observant than the first.

"Empty your pockets please."

"Hold on."

"Excuse me?"

"Wait. You can't take that in with you."

"I can't take what in? My keys?"

She points. My keys have opened up and a military issue can opener was displayed for all to see. I added a picture of one below so you have an idea of the size.

I look at the security guard.

"Really?"

I'm tired.

There are at least ten Sheriffs within twenty paces of us. Every one of them has a baton and a pistol. None of them had a can or even resembles a can (the only thing it could possibly harm).

Could this thing really be that dangerous?

I know. She must think I'm a ninja, because I would have to be one to cause any serious damage with a can opener held with thumb and forefinger.

I roll my eyes, pick up my keys and return them to my pocket. "I'll just wait outside."

I exit stage right doing my best Chuck Norris walk (looking more like Chris Farley).

I am ninja.

Who knew?

Jamestown Settlement

2010-08-07T04:57:00.019-04:00

My sister-in-law and niece visited for a long weekend and we went to the Jamestown Settlement. It was a beautiful day. The temperature was only in the mid 80s (around 29C) and low humidity.

There were a lot of actors wandering around in historical garb. They had a lot of interesting information about the settlement and the Powhatan Indians.

Here are some shots of the Powhatan village. You can see one of the actors above. She was making tools out of deer bone.

The inside of the huts were all furnished and had a lot of animal pelts. Mostly deer, but we also saw bear, wolf and skunk pelts. Outside of the huts were large mortar and pestles. They had corn in them and everyone had a go at pounding the corn.

Near the water there were replicas of the ships that the settlers used to cross the Atlantic. They were a tad small for my liking.

It was an exhausting day. My niece can sum it up with one picture.

Catching up

2010-07-22T03:07:00.005-04:00

It's a trap!

Have you ever been startled awake with the feeling that you were being watched? That happened to me a few weeks ago.

When I woke up Athena (the long haired cat) was looking at me. She leans forward and head butts me right in the eye socket. This doesn't really hurt. In fact, it is a little like getting hit with a very small pillow. It does startle me and I stretch out. When I do this my right foot lands on the belly of Topaz. She was sleeping at my feet. Her response is immediate. She holds on with the front paws, rakes the bottom of my foot with her back claws and noms my big toe with her teeth. AAAAAHHHH!!

Thank God it wasn't Jo.

Peaches

Deb loves peaches, but she can not touch them. She hates the feel of them. So, if we buy them, I have to peel them for her.

We stop at a local farmer's market. They have fresh peaches for sale.

Deb: "Ooooh peaches. Will you touch the peaches for me?
Me: "Did you just ask me to touch your peaches?"
Deb: "Yes I did."

That offer will never get old. I don't care how old I am. :)

Hot Hot Hot

It's been hot here in Southern Virginia.

For the last 3 or 4 weeks the heat index has been over 100F (around 38C for my European friends). The humidity has been over 70%. Stepping into the warm air is like getting a big sweaty hug from a very large friend. We have had very little rain
and when it does rain it is only for a few minutes and just makes it hotter. In a few months we'll all be complaining because it isn't warm enough. Go figure.

Operation

2010-06-08T03:55:00.002-04:00

Debra had a hysterectomy last Wednesday. They made an eight inch incision across her abdomen and removed her uterus and cervix. The next day she was up and walking. She made it 1.5 times around the ward before she tired out and had to go back to bed. Major surgery the day before and angry because she isn't running a marathon.

Her tolerance for pain is amazing. I stub my toe and want bed rest for at least a day.

The pain medication made her very sleepy. Watching her eat meals was funny. She would take a bite of food, nod off to sleep for 5 minutes, wake up and do it again. I took her about an hour for an entire meal.

The Doc said no driving or lifting anything heavier than 5 pounds for at least two weeks. If looks could kill the poor guy would have been a mangled mess on the floor.

I've decided that the next time she falls asleep I'm going to hide her superman shirt. I doubt this will slow her down, but it will give her something to preoccupy her mind while being bored.

To my love

2010-05-09T21:01:00.001-04:00

I have been married to the same lovely woman for 20 years now. She is my foundation. Without her I am lost.

Debra is the mother of my child, my partner in life and my lighthouse in the storm of life. The world would be a very frightening place if she were not at my side.

Sometimes I forget to say I love you and I do not always tell her how much she means to me. She knows this, but it should still be said.

Debra I love you and you mean the world to me.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Java Jo

2010-04-28T12:09:00.001-04:00

My hands and forearms are a mess. We have a new cat and he plays rough. He’s a young male and completely different from Athena and Topaz. He has been in the house for a few months and he has turned the place upside down.

Sometimes you find a pet. Sometimes the pet finds you. Jo laid siege to our back door for 3 nights before we gave in and let him in. He causes so much trouble that no and Jo are almost always spoken together. At the same time he is very loveable (probably why he is still alive).

Java Jo earned his name within the first 30 minutes of making his way into the house. He jumped up on the couch, walked across my lap and put his face in my coffee cup. I thought he was going to give it a smell and walk away (like the other two cats). It took me a few seconds before I realized that he was drinking my coffee.

We took him to the vet for his shots and to get him neutered. The vet said he lounged around like he owned the place. He was loving on everyone. Then they picked him up and cut his balls off. This slowed him down for exactly one day. Two days later he managed to knock a clock off of the wall and shred a newspaper (because he likes the sound).

Poor Topaz has gained about 5 pounds. She is a stress eater and Jo just loves to pounce her. He has only tried to pounce Athena once. She schooled him. Not only does she have a full set of very sharp claws she also has armor (long hair). He treads lightly around Athena and she pounces him on occasion just so he remembers who rules the house.

We have added a cat pole to the living room and stocked up on toys. This has made the chaos a little more manageable. A busy Jo is a good Jo. Well maybe a Jo that is not into as much trouble.

Testing

2010-04-23T09:52:00.009-04:00

Hello?

Is this thing on?

Oh good. It’s still working.

I was worried there for a minute.

Awesome!!

2010-01-29T14:36:00.002-05:00

It's jean day at work, but I couldn't find any jeans (that fit). So I went into my son's closet and found a pair four sizes smaller than the ones in my closet.

They are a perfect fit. Alright, they are a tad long, but I'm ok with that.

... and on this note

2009-12-31T12:32:00.002-05:00

One of my coworkers shared this story with me.

A lady calls him up and she is in a panic.

Customer: "Oh my god. Please help me. The police are going to come get me.

Technician: "What seems to be the problem."

Customer: "I got a message on my computer. I'm going to go to jail. I just know it."

Technician: "What message did you get."

She is almost crying at this point.

Customer: "The computer gave me a message saying that I have performed an illegal operation and my computer will be shutdown. What do I do?"

She has obviously had a few to many run ins with the law.

Have a Happy New Year everyone!

What a month

2009-12-22T13:28:00.000-05:00

The last 3 or 4 weeks have been crazy. I was offered an IT job in Afghanistan. It required hours (no joke) of paper work. I also had to get a physical and a dental exam.

During the dental exam I told the dentist that I had a loose filling. When he looked he said that the tooth was actually cracked and that I needed a crown. Sigh…

The medical exam was almost like a game. Bursitis? Check. Arthritis? Check. Tendonitis? You bet. The list goes on. That was kind of depressing.

There was also some good news/bad news. Heredity finally caught up with me and I now have type two diabetes. It was not a huge surprise, Mom and Dad both have/had diabetes, it was just inconvenient timing. Now I have to get that under control before I can reapply for that job. You may be wondering about the good news. Finding out about the diabetes prior to having a stroke, heart attack or seizure is the good news.

My doctor is great. She set me up with a diabetes class. That took a lot of the fear away. A nutritionist set me up with a meal plan and told me how to manage my blood sugar. I was also shown the proper way to check my blood sugar and how the medication works on my body. I highly recommend a course like this if anyone finds out that they have diabetes.

Now I would like to mention how much it sucks to have diabetes this time of year.

Last Saturday Deb baked cookies and nut bread ALL DAY LONG. It was insane. We have a six foot table filled with baked goods. If that was not torture enough she also made no-bake cookies and brownies. I wanted to slash my wrists when the smell of brownies filled the air. Kick me in the balls or just shoot me in the back of the head. It would be more humane.

I am human and I ate a few cookies. I also had a glass of milk with them. I did resist the brownies, but I absolutely refused to check my blood sugar that day. I will just pretend it did not happen.

Fortunately, this is not as painful as it could be. I had already changed my eating habits. This began last January and I have lost almost 40 pounds since then. This is the first time in 14 years that I have weighed less than 200 pounds (holy crap that sounds a lot worse now that I have it typed out).

So to sum things up I will say that I love my family. Diabetes sucks, but it is manageable. My body is doing it’s very best to tell me I am old. I am responding to my bodies’ message with fingers placed firmly in my ears and yelling “la la la …” at the top of my lungs.

Merry Christmas everyone and have a Happy New Year.

LOL

2009-12-03T18:39:00.002-05:00

So one of my coworkers asked a customer to send them a screen shot. A few minutes later we received an email with a jpeg attached to it. The customer had taken a picture of her screen with a digital camera and emailed it to us.

Priceless.

Someone printed it out and taped it to the white board.

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T21:01:00.002-05:00

It was a lovely Thanksgiving. We went to a friend's house for lunch. Too much food and not enough football. Had to be at work by 3pm so, not enough football.

Sigh...

I love my job.

Me: "Thanks for calling computer support..."
Customer: (interrupting me) "I need my password reset."
Me: "...may I have your last name please?"
Customer: "...I need my password reset."
Me: "May I please have your last name."
Customer: "Can't you just reset my password?"
Me: "Yes. I can."
Customer: "Well?"
Me: "Which password?"
He tells me.
Me: "OK. What's your last name."
Customer: (exasperated)"Why do you keep asking me for my name?"
Me: "Well, who's password should I reset then?"
Customer: "Oh. Uh... sorry."

Schmuck...

Update

2009-11-13T11:47:00.001-05:00

Debra had surgery on her shoulder a few days before grandpa’s funeral. She suffered on the long drive to western NY and even more on the long drive home. She has been unable to move her arm (from the shoulder) higher than her chest since around April. Now, with the help of physical therapy, she is able to raise it above her head again. She is still in quite a bit of pain, but she is healing.

About a week after our return it was Dearth’s turn. He was playing football with his friends and for some unknown reason they do this in bare feet. After the game they were wrestling and he cut his big toe on the edge of a brick (partially buried in the ground). I had just gotten home from work and was starting dinner. I hear him walk in and he asks for some paper towels and a band aid. I took one look and told him to get in the car. It was good for four stitches. The highlight of the visit was me passing out in the ER. Blood doesn’t bother me, but watching the doctor pull the stitch through creeped me out a bit. Stack that on top of not eating for 12 hours and down I went. I only phased out for a couple of seconds. When I started to regain focus I hear Deb yelling for help. I would like to add that if you yell for help in an ER there is an immediate (and spectacular) response.

“Yes. I am ok.”
“Only my pride is hurt.”
“Why can’t I just sit here?” (motioning to the three legged stool on wheels)
“Ok. I’ll sit on the gurney. The cold wash cloth for my neck was very thoughtful.”
“Yes, I’m feeling much better now.”
“A nice cup of ice water and crackers would be lovely. Thank you.”
“Debra, sit down. I’m fine.”
“Dearth, don’t try to get up. Your toe is still sore.”

I swear, you have one human moment and everyone panics. I can only be Superman most of the time.

My company picnic was a week after the slicing of the toe. Dearth still couldn’t walk all that well so we rented a wheelchair for him. I pushed him around the zoo for the next 4 hours. It was fun, especially the bumpy areas, but I was sore the next day. They really need to make that place more level. It looks nice, but there are too many hills to be pushing my lug of a son around in a wheelchair.

Not to be out done, a few weeks later it was my turn. We were watching our friend’s three boys at their home. On the way out the door that morning the dog runs out. He was snapping at the kids, when they tried to catch him, so I stepped in. Jesse had a harness on so I feinted with my left hand and snatched the harness with my right. The plan was flawless. The execution was just a little slow. I’m not as fast as a dog and the 40 pound terrier mix gave me a life lesson. Be faster or get a better plan. My feint worked, but it ended up being a sacrifice play. He bit my left thumb. Actually, he mangled it. Three or four puncture wounds. It has been four weeks and it still isn’t fully healed. Debra thought I was going to kill him. Right in front of the kids, but I didn’t. I did slam his head into the van and then I sat him on his head until Deb could put the leash on him. Then we went to the ER. My tetanus shot was overdue so I had to get that. They will not stitch an animal bite, but the doctor did flick the skin (that was pushed down by my thumbnail) out. I didn’t punch him in the nose, but I really wanted to. “Give a guy some warning next time doc.” A nice orderly came down with a wheelchair and took me to get an x-ray. They knew nothing was broken, but they wanted to make sure there were no bone fragments from Jesse’s teeth. A nurse visited me after that and wrapped my thumb up (mummy style). It added another three inches to the length of my thumb and that gave us all a bit of entertainment for the rest of the night. Deb was going to kill me if I had given one more “thumbs up” answer, but for the boys it never got old. It was a solid two weeks before I could leave my hand lower than my chest (without pain). Now I’m wearing a band aid on it because all of the new skin is raw and painful to touch. The puncture wound next to the nail hasn’t completely healed, but it is clean and the scar shouldn’t be too bad. Jesse and I are still friends.

Have I ever mentioned how John and Wendy get me to come out of my comfort zone? It works for them because they usually do it in the form of a question. “Henry, can you help John move the Circe from Newport News over to Hampton?” This was a few weeks after my thumb was damaged and it was better, but still pretty sore. “Sure Wendy, just tell me how to get there.” I made the 40 minute drive and walked out to the dock. I saw the kayak with the dingy tied up to it. The Circe was about 50 meters out. She was too big for the docks. I untied the kayak and climbed in. This was the second time I have ever been in a kayak. My first time was in a two person kayak, so this was the first time I have ever been in one alone. I made it to the Circe (mostly dry). If you have ever paddled a kayak you’ll know what I mean. I grabbed the ladder and stood up. The kayak went one way and I hung on for dear life. I made it on deck by will power alone. There was no way I was swimming with John as a witness. I would have drowned for sure. He would have been laughing to hard to help and I had too many clothes on to swim. It was 50 degrees, windy and raining. Perfect weather if you are a duck. John did suffer a little karma payback for laughing at me. He was securing the dingy and cold water ran off of the dingy and down the back of his pants. It was a very rough 5 hour trip to Hampton, but we had a good talk and managed to stay somewhat warm. I only hit my thumb a few dozen times and I managed to thaw out after about 4 hours. It was fun.

Debra’s mother visited for a little over a week. She left the beginning of this week. We always enjoy family visits (probably because we live so far from all of them). Oops. That was out loud wasn’t it? Hopefully I’m out of my funk and I’ll get back to posting regularly again. I just didn't feel like posting after the funeral.

Saying Goodbye

2009-09-06T07:39:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we said goodbye to my Grandfather. He passed away on the third and we said our goodbyes to him yesterday.

The service was nice. The local Catholic priest headed the service. When he wrapped up (about 10 hours later) the local VFW (Veterans of Foreign Wars) came in and did a military service. I'm pretty sure this is part of an evil plan.

About 10 veterans come in slowly. Each one of them solemnly salute my grandfather and walk back out. One of the veterans is carrying bagpipes and at the end of the line are two active duty soldiers wearing their Army dress blues. The VFW officer stands at the podium and gives a very nice speech. The haunting sound of Taps plays when he is finished. Most everyone has tears in their eyes now. When the bugle ends and the music is fading away we all hear a slightly distant "Ready! Fire!". Seven rifles go off and everyone of us jumps. Later on I hear one of the younger people ribbing an uncle because he jumped so high they thought he was going to land in his wife's lap. There are two more volleys and then the bagpiper plays Amazing Grace. The sound of the bagpipes is fading as the two younger soldiers come in. They fold the flag. The flag and three of the casings (one for each volley) is presented to my uncle Paul, the oldest of the surviving children. They did honor to my grandfather who was a former Marine.

The service was held at the local funeral home. Afterwards we all met at one of the local churches for a reception. There was good company and excellent food.

I missed Grandpa's gravely voice when I came in the door. No one can say "Hey Hank!" they way he could. Of course, he was the only one who ever called me Hank.

Goodbye Grandpa.

Vacation

2009-08-21T15:15:00.012-04:00

What a weekend.

Brenda (Deb’s sister) and her family came down for a long weekend. We rented a beach house down in Kill Devil Hills, NC. It was a blast.

Every one of us got too much sun and we managed to do in all of our cheap body boards. I guess that I’ll have to break down and buy the more expensive ones.

We ate at a few local hot spots. I highly recommend them both.

The waves weren’t especially rough, but they were steady and were going anywhere from three to six feet. They were perfect for Christy and Davey to learn on. The dolphins even made an appearance.

I indulged in one of my favorite activities when we were back at the house. No one complained. I’m a decent cook and when I cook no one else has to. That is probably why no one complained. The best part of cooking was that everyone else volunteers to clean up.

In the evening we all played games and watched movies. It was all very relaxing.

I ended the vacation with a nasty head cold. That was the only down side of the long weekend.

Who says church can't be fun?

2009-08-05T06:43:00.003-04:00

We attend a very small church. We first started attending 4 or 5 years ago and there were only about 20 people in entire the congregation. We have grown since then and 30 or so people attend the morning service and 120+ attend the afternoon service.

Grace Harbor is very layed back. They put us off a little at first. When we showed up everyone introduced themselves asked how we were and stayed in touch. We almost didn't go back. The long and the short of it is that we did go back. Now a lot of these people are very good friends of ours.

A few Sundays ago we had hospitality. Basically we make coffee and a large container of lemonade. We sit near the back entrance when we do this. These doors lead to the kitchen and bathroom areas.

We normally use our own coffee cups, but that day I forgot to grab mine and was drinking from a Styrofoam cup. We were three quarters of the way through service and I had just finished my coffee. We were singing and I set my cup on my chair (I had just finished my coffee and I was intending to throw it away). When the song finished we were invited to sit down. As I sit the lady behind me says "Watch out Henry." CRUNCH! I sit right on top of the Styrofoam cup. I stand up like I had just sat on a pin. I hear a snort from my left. Dearth is to my right and he has a hand, clamped tightly around his mouth, stifling a giggle. I look to my left and I see Debra running into the women's bathroom. Both of her hands are on her mouth. As soon as the door shuts gales of laughter echo from the room. No one else seems to have noticed.

Fortunately, we are far enough back that no one really notices except for us and the people right next to us. Deb makes 2 or 3 unsuccessful attempts to leave the bathroom, but she would come out take one look at me and dart back in. More laughter.

I'm just glad that I could brighten someones day. God finds the most interesting ways to humble you.

All Hail the Bloggers!

2009-08-02T07:50:00.001-04:00

An internet friend told me to not bother reading her blog. Her reason was because she just writes any old thing down and it really wasn’t all that interesting. Those were not her exact words, but that was the long and the short of it.

I’ve known her for about ten years and she has been blogging for about five of those. When she told me this I laughed. The reason I read her blog is because she writes that way. She lives in England and her views on life and the way she describes is very refreshing to me.

I read blogs to see what other people are doing. I want to read about something that is different from the life I live. The blogs I link just happen to be people I am friends with. Alice and Jamie I met on the internet. John is a real life friend. All three of them lead lives so different from mine that I love to read about their adventures. In turn, I write about things going on in my life.

Thank you Alice for brightening my days with your musings. Jamie, my days would be boring if I did not have your blog to read. A lot of people dream about the life you live, but do not have the balls to live it. John, what can I say? Leaving your job, selling your house and moving into a large sailboat is one of the gutsiest things I have ever seen.

Keep blogging my friends. Others are more interested than you may think.

Boogey Boarding weekend

2009-07-27T11:51:00.003-04:00

We went to North Carolina, with friends of ours, on Saturday. We spent about 6 hours on the beach. Dearth and I boogey boarded until our bodies couldn’t take it anymore. Deb watched and laughed at us.

The water was rough. It was probably the roughest we’ve ever boarded in. The waves were breaking in three different areas. In close (about calf deep), mid way (about waist deep) and about 20 feet out from there. The waist deep area is where we were trying to get to. From there you could hop the waves you did not want to ride and wait for a good one in reasonable safety.

Getting past the close waves was real work. Sometimes they were too high to bounce over and they would catch the board and send you for a ride. If you were lucky that ride consisted of getting pushed back several feet and a face full of ocean. If you were unlucky you got swept off of your feet and you got up close and personal with the ocean floor. I had the wind knocked out of me several times when a wave would hit me in the stomach or back just right.

Once you made it to the waist deep water it was a lot of fun. The waves were averaging between 4 and 6 feet. All you had to do was kick off in front of one of those and the wave did the rest for you. If you kept the nose of your board up, and did not let it get ripped out of your hands, the wave would take you all the way to the shore.

When the nose of the board dipped it would catch in the water and the wave cheerfully launched you right over the top. Dearth has an abrasion on his right shoulder blade from one of these spectacular wipeouts. It was assholes, elbows and an epic yard sale (this is when everything goes in different directions).

I had my boogey board ripped out of my hands when I was close to shore. The wave dropped me a couple of feet and the hard landing pulled the board away. My arm got caught up in the lanyard and it raked up my arm and attempted to pull my little finger off. All of that happened while I was getting a face full of sand, rocks and seashells. That was my first ride and the last time I let the board get away.

Every three or four rides called for about an hour time out. I would throw my board down on the sand and sit in the beach chair (breathing like I just sprinted a mile). Debra would just roll her eyes.

I hate being reminded, by my body, that I'm not as young as I used to be. I felt like I had gone three long rounds with Tyson the next day. Dearth did not reapply sun block to his back so he got a pretty nasty burn. Both of us had numerous cuts and bruises up and down our legs and feet. I had marks on my right arm and fingers from the lanyard and Dearth had some on his back from the pro wipeout.

Someone asked me if we were afraid of sharks. I told them "In those waves sharks were the least of our worries". Heck, if a shark had gotten me out there it would have been a mercy killing.

I can’t wait to go again.

mmmmmmmmm..... Crab

2009-07-20T18:35:00.004-04:00

Last Sunday friends of ours invited us over for crab. Being from Western NY we immediately thought of snow crab legs. We were in for a real treat though. They had bought a few dozen steamed blue crab.

Eating snow crab legs is fairly barbaric. Using wooden mallets, shell crackers and some other medieval looking torture devices you hack your way through the shell and get to the meat.

The blue crabs are steamed whole. Like lobster they are still quite alive until the steam hits them. They are served the same way. Eating these fellows take barbarism to a whole new level.

You rip the legs off (sucking the meat that comes out of the joint). You flip the apron up and remove it. Then you stick your finger into the body cavity and scrape out the fat and guts. Pulling the shell off is next. More scrapping of the guts and lungs follow. Now you take a knife and you split the crab from the middle to the where the legs attach to the body (two cuts). This gives you access to all of the meat in the leg area. Here is a video showing how it is done. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUW6_CTZd9U

The meal was a lot of fun. I will definitely be eating those again. Just remember to get in with both hands, don’t worry about the mess and don’t wear white.

Happy Independence Day!

2009-07-04T08:44:00.002-04:00

Happy Independence Day to all of my friends in the United States.

To my friends in Great Britain, Thank you! I will be enjoying a nice cold Bass pale ale in celebration of the Fourth of July (even if it should be celebrated on the second).

Humor from work

2009-06-24T09:03:00.002-04:00

Customer: "I had some work on done on the computer today and now I can't log in."

Me: "What kind of work was done and what do you see on the screen."

Customer: "I'm not sure what they did, but all I see is the Window's logo bouncing around my screen."

Me: "Shake your mouse."

Customer: "Shake my mouse?"

Me: "Yep. I relieves pent up frustration and..."

Customer: In a surprised voice "I'll be damned."

Me: "...has the added benefit of cancelling screen savers."

Customer: "I've never seen that before."

Me: "No worries. That is why we are here. Can I help you with anything else?"

Customer: "Nope that'll do it. Have a great day!"

Me: "You to."

Sometimes the customers are fun to talk to.

Good trips aren't as much fun to write about

2009-06-17T16:31:00.002-04:00

I admit it. It just isn’t as much fun writing about a trip that went right.

We went sailing with John and Wendy over the Memorial Day weekend. There were no mishaps. In fact everything went more or less as planned.

We sailed across the Chesapeake Bay and anchored near the cement ships. That night I saw my first wild dolphins.

The next morning I woke up before everyone. I sat on the deck and drank a beer. I drank a beer because there was no coffee and I could. The dolphins swam by (much closer this time).

The cement ships have been converted into break walls and are now homes to millions of birds. I especially like watching the pelicans. They are huge birds and fly so close to the water that you think they will hit it with their wings.

On the return trip the boys trolled off of the back. I kept an eye on them and they almost caught a few fish. We did not have a net so the fish spat the hook as soon as they came out of the water. This was enough to keep the boys entertained for a few hours though. We sailed back with just the main and head sails. We just didn’t have the energy to put the jib up.

It was a great trip. I received a spectacular sunburn. I can not imagine what it would have been like if I had not used sun block. I was so sore the next few days that I did not even want to move. Sailing is hard work, but I’m already looking forward to the next trip.

Thanks John and Wendy.

Dad would be proud

2009-06-05T10:19:00.008-04:00

I finally managed to plant a garden. We had to go non-traditional because we live in a townhouse (no real yard).
I drilled holes in the bottom of two 5ft wading pools, filled them with dirt and planted our garden. The plants took nicely and I may have to do it again next year. I call it the spaghetti sauce garden (tomatoes, peppers, onions, and a bunch of herbs).

Here are pictures three weeks after.

I'm back

2009-06-04T20:24:00.014-04:00

It has been a busy last month or so. Sorry I have not updated.

My mother visited for a few weeks. Her timing was perfect. The weather was crappy almost the entire time.

We did make a day trip down to North Carolina. We stopped at the Grave Digger (monster truck) garage. Mom picked up a book for my car/truck loving nephew and we got some pictures.

We also hit some of the farmer markets and went out to eat at one of the local breweries.

The highlight of Mom's visit was probably seeing the winner for The Biggest Loser (Season 6) at the Botanical Gardens.

Michelle was very nice. She spoke about losing weight and changing your state of mind. After the presentation she signed autographs and spoke to anyone who approached her. I won't say that Dearth fell in love with her, but he did manage to worm his way into most of the pictures.

We had a great time and we can't wait until Mom can visit again.

The Circus

2009-04-23T08:24:00.015-04:00

What a beautiful day for a Circus.

The Ringling Bos. and Barnum & Bailey are back in town.

Showing up an hour early and rubbing elbows with some of the performers is a big part of the fun. Of course, you have to watch your back, the clowns will mess with everyone.

You'll be minding your own business and they will play with your hair or bump your arm while trying to take a picture. Poor Dearth almost got in trouble when one of them was bumping my arm while I was getting a photo.

They had a Clown College theme going on and there was a lot of interaction with the clowns themselves. They also had a Clown College chopper on display. It was built by Orange County Choppers.

The highlight of the open house was the the elephant painting. This is given away by a drawing just before the show.

Here are some pictures from the show.

Let there be peace

2009-04-15T17:44:00.001-04:00

Well it has been about three weeks and the two cats are finally being civil to each other. Topaz is wandering the house freely. That means she only gets pounced on occasion. She dishes it out also. I’ve seen her bat Athena a few times.

We filled the bird feeder out back again. This provides loads of entertainment. Both of the cats have smashed their faces into the sliding door trying to get the birds. They will sit behind the open vertical blinds watching them. Finally they can’t take it anymore and bam! I could drink a beer and watch that all day. I’m a simple person and easily amused. What can I say?

Throw him under the bus

2009-03-24T10:39:00.004-04:00

Last Saturday was our son's birthday. Deb scored some Admirals tickets (a local AHL Hockey team and a farm team for the Tampa Bay Lightning) and we went to get our hockey fix. It was a good game and the Admirals won. Despite the poor officiating.

We received good natured ribbing because Deb wore her Penguins shirt, Dearth had his Redwings jersey on and I had one of my Sabre shirts on. One comment came from a lady in front of us. With a puzzled look on her face "Just who are you guys cheering for?".

"The Admirals of course." I replied. "We only disagree on the NHL teams." I grinned.

When we left the Scope a man was chasing his little boy. The boy ran towards Dearth and he told him "Don't run towards him. We have higher standards than the Redwings.".

I laughed out loud for that comment. Dearth gave me a dirty look, but laughed good naturedly.

After the game we went to Friendly's for a bite to eat and dessert. Our waitress was young, pretty and had a voice that would put a megaphone to shame. She hurt my ears when she talked. Despite this, she was very attentive and an excellent waitress.

Shortly after ordering the wait staff came out singing their birthday cadence. They headed up our isle. Dearth got that "deer in the headlights" look and the entire entourage walked by us and to another table. We had a good laugh at that.

All three of us ordered a meal that included a sundae for dessert. Dearth wanted one of the specialty sundaes and the waitress told us that it would cost a little more.

This is where it happened. The set up was beautiful. Deb grabbed Dearth, by the scruff of the neck and the seat of his pants, and chucked him under the bus (metaphorically).

She said "I suppose we could splurge. Just this once. It's his birthday after all."

She did this with an absolutely straight face and with just a slight twinkle in her eye. The waitress looked like we had just handed her a $50 tip. "Really? Thanks for letting me know." There was a huge smile on her face. Dearth was slowly sinking in the booth. He looked like the witch in the Wizard of Oz. "I'm melting!"

I was reduced to tears. I have not laughed that hard in ages.

Five minutes later the entire staff shows up at the table led by the enthusiastic waitress. The cadence was loud. It was embarrassing (for Dearth) and to top it off they handed him a couple of balloons. I think they do this to erase any doubt of who all the fuss is over. If you ever want to see a teenager just melt away from embarrassment that is the way to do it. Especially when they are trying sooooo hard to be cool.

My sundae was half melted by the time I was able to eat. I was laughing that hard.

The waitress received a generous tip and we laughed all the way home.

Happy Birthday Dearth.

Step away from the humans

2009-03-20T16:03:00.001-04:00

We had a cat named Topaz prior to moving in to our current apartment. At the time they did not allow pets and Topaz went to live with friends of ours. The pet policy changed a few years afterwards, but Topaz was comfortable with our friends so she stayed. That was when we adopted Athena.

Our friend’s are now moving and they can not take Topaz with them so she moved back with us yesterday. The next week is going to be interesting.

Deb was upstairs about 30 minutes after Topaz came home with us. She was attempting to pet Topaz and Athena was watching. I was downstairs.

From the noise I thought Deb had stepped on one or maybe both of the cats. I guess she tried to pet Topaz without petting Athena first. Athena is a very docile cat, but if you try to take attention from her humans she will throw down. She drove Topaz under the futon and then kept her there for about an hour. The rest of the day went by without major incident.

This morning (about 15 minutes to 6AM) I hear the cats and then Dearth shouting. Good morning and happy Friday to you. From what I gather, Athena walked into Dearth’s room and saw Topaz sleeping next to the bed. It must have been too close because Athena had Topaz hiding in the closet this time.

Sigh…

They should get the pecking order straight in a few days. Until then it will be exciting.

Happy Monday

2009-03-16T16:03:00.001-04:00

It is 9am and I am enjoying a nice hot cup of coffee. I have laundry in the dryer and the washer. I am still catching up on the wash from last week. The dryer died and I was too cheap to go to the coin laundry.

The doorbell rings. It rings again. It was the kind of ring that speaks to you. “Answer the door now or there will be a price to pay”. I scowl, get up and answer the door. Two firemen are standing there. By the white uniforms I guessed that they were probably officers.

Officer 1: “Good morning sir.”
Me: “Good morning.”
Officer 1: “We had a call from a person, driving by on I164, of a possible structure fire here.”

It is 45 degrees and has been raining since last Thursday. My dryer vent is just above my door and is billowing warm exhaust. All three of us look up at it.

Me: “I’m doing laundry and I’m pretty sure I haven’t burned anything up yet.”

Both of them are grinning now.

Officer 1: “Ok. Have a nice day.”

All three of us laugh.

Deb had an appointment and saw them on her way out. She said there was a rescue truck and fire engine parked out by the entrance to our apartment building.

Part of me is grateful that someone was concerned. Another part of me is annoyed because some person (sitting in traffic) decided to waste the time of the fire department.

Thai

2009-03-04T07:40:00.002-05:00

We went to our first Thai restaurant last weekend. This was a bit of an adventure for us because Debra does not eat spicy food. I love it and Dearth likes it, but not quite as spicy as me. Thai food is spicy.

The place was called Bangkok Gardens and is located in Virginia Beach. None of the dishes are over $15 and the staff was very friendly. The friendly staff is a treasure all by itself. I've found that customer service can be a bit lacking in this area.

When we entered Bangkok Gardens it had a very relaxing effect on me. The decor was dark woods and reds. It was warm without being uncomfortable and the staff greeted us quickly. They were busy, but not packed and we were ushered to our seats without feeling rushed.

It was pretty obvious that English was the second language for many of the staff. This enhanced the experience for me (their English was very good). Drinks were brought to us and we were given enough time to browse the menu.

The menu gives you the Thai name for each dish and a description of the dish under it. They also have a pepper symbol next to the dishes that are spicy. At the bottom of the page they show the various degrees of hot with 1 to 4 peppers (mild, spicy, hot and Thai hot). Oddly, none of the dishes had more than one pepper next to them. I read some reviews later and found out that each dish is seasoned by the cook and the spiciness may vary.

Deb ordered crab fried rice and Dearth played it safe with shrimp fried rice. I tasted both and they were excellent. Both dishes were presented, "upside down bowl shape", in the center of a white plate. The fried rice was not spicy at all and was basically rice, meat, onions and soy sauce. Neither Dearth or Deb could finish all of their meal and I had it for lunch the next day.

I couldn't even tell you the name of the dish that I ordered. It was a shredded cucumber and sliced tomato salad with a dressing of some sort. It had one pepper next to it on the menu. My first taste of the salad was eye opening. The cucumbers were freshly shredded and very crisp. The tomatoes were very ripe and complimented the cucumbers nicely. I dream about this kind of salad on a hot summer day. The salad was ice cold and very refreshing. I was about a third of the way into the salad when I was reminded of the red pepper symbol. My mouth started to burn, my nose start to run and my eyes teared up. Holy crap! What was that? The tip of my tongue was burning enough that I asked Deb to look at it (there was a big red spot on it). I took a closer look at my salad and I saw pieces of red pepper in it. That was sneaky. I had been ok until one of those little buggers stuck on the end of my tongue. I'm as human as the next person so when my mouth began to burn I took a drink of the nearest liquid. I was drinking hot tea. Ouch. Hot drinks increase the pain of a spicy hot mouth. I took a sip of ice water. That helped until I swallowed the water. I took another sip and held it in my mouth. Better. I'm still suffering a little bit here. Maybe a bite of nice hot fried rice will help. This was not my day of Einstein like thinking. This was much worse than hot tea. I had to chew and swallow. It made a good attempt at burning my tonsils out as I accomplished this. Everyone had a good laugh. Debra and Dearth being everyone. I'm glad someone enjoyed it. I did finish as much of the salad as I could. It was huge and I was full before I could finish. It was still spicy, but I was watching for those pieces of pepper now and I was ok. I would order that again.

For those who have never been to a Thai Restaurant I recommend going. There are plenty of none spicy dishes if that is what you are worried about. If you like spicy food you will enjoy yourself. Go easy though. The Thai people like their food spicy and Thai hot will make you cry.